Getting Through Italy

|11| Ditalini

The train pulled into the station and we both rose, anticipating where the doors would open. As we climbed the stairs to the top deck—more for the novelty of sitting on the top deck of a train than anything else—I pondered Jasmine's question. I wasn't prepared to use the arrival of the train as an excuse to ignore it.

"I think he's quite content," I said as we sat down opposite each other. "He's got all his work buddies, a relatively new and exciting job—he's having a good time. Speaking to me is something on top of that. It's not something he plans his day around. It's something he needs to fit in, but it's not the end of the world if he can't."

"I get why you feel like that, but you can't guess how he's feeling."

I sighed and rubbed at my head, as if that would make all the nagging worries disappear. "Yeah, I know. Sometimes I think I'm victimising myself, but then I do genuinely feel like I'm the one in the worse position."

"Well, yeah, you are. It's just tough because you're both living separate lives at the moment and you've not done that for a while."

"Yeah, that and the fact I've never met his work colleagues so I've no idea what they're like. Makes me feel like he's living this whole life that I'm not part of. And that's quite distressing, you know? Like, obviously I want him to have his own space and do his own thing. I've just never been in a position where he's doing something that I've got no part in whatsoever."

"No, I get that. It's tough. You'll get to meet them at Christmas, though. Hopefully that'll help."

I nodded, although I was somewhat anxious about meeting his work colleagues at their official Christmas party. It would be good to put faces to names, but what if they didn't like me? What if I didn't like them? They all knew each other and I'd be the odd one out. Would it be awkward? Would they make inside jokes?

Over-thinking was a bad habit of mine in general, but this felt different. Normally I wouldn't worry so much about meeting new people; it was just the fact that they were Nathan's colleagues. They were the ones he spent most of his time around. I wanted to be accepted by them because otherwise living 1000 miles away from Nathan would be even tougher, knowing the influence his work mates might have on him.

"Has it been getting worse, then, the communication?" Jasmine pressed, frowning.

I shrugged. "A bit. We're definitely not sending as many messages as we used to, and sometimes when we do message, his replies take longer to come through than usual. But when we get into a proper conversation, or we Skype, it's completely normal and makes me wonder what I was worrying about."

Jasmine briefly raised her eyebrows at that, pursing her lips together. Although she didn't say anything, she didn't need to. I could tell she didn't feel I was being irrational or over-emotional, and that reassured me more than any words could.

☼

Padova was beautiful. A mix of modern shops and historical architecture, simply wandering through the streets was entertainment enough. Jasmine stopped regularly, taking photographs from different angles and then asking for my opinion on them. Despite not being a photographer, I pointed out which ones I preferred and she seemed to take my opinion seriously.

"Sometimes it's good having an untrained eye help out," she said. "You see the photo as a whole, for what it is, rather than being swayed by minor intricacies."

Whenever we stepped inside a church, Jasmine would explore every inch of it and I'd admire the beauty with my untrained eye, reading the Italian descriptions on the signs and then comparing my knowledge to the English version to see how much I'd understood.