Bear Heart (Book 2)

Chapter 4

“When did you meet her?” I asked. He shrugged. “It was a little after high school. She had just moved here to stay with her friend. I was coming out of the market when I saw her fumbling with her suit cases and went to go help her. She had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen . . .” He gave a small smile. “You couldn’t believe how happy I was when she had agreed to be my girlfriend. Even I couldn’t believe it, actually. She just seemed so perfect.” Ben’s expression grew dark.

“And then I went and screwed everything up . . . I drove her away . . . You know, I always feel like if it’s my fault she’s dead . . . If I hadn’t been drinking . . . If your life hadn’t been put in danger by being in that car with me . . . Maybe she would have still been here . . . She wouldn’t have gone back to New York . . . I would have been dead for a reckless mistake, and not her for being a good mother . . .”

“Dad, please, don’t say things like that. It’s not your fault she’s dead. If anything, it’s mine . . .”

“No, you never did anything wrong, Clair! I’m a horrible father, a horrible person in general . . . I had risked your life and put you in that car with me while I was drunk! You could have died! Because of that reckless mistake, I drove away my wife, and I ended up missing 13 years of your life and losing hers! This is what I have to show for one night of drinking!”

“No, Dad, it’s not your fault! Stop blaming yourself! You didn’t—”

“No, Clair, it is my fault. I’m the worst father in the world. I put you in a car with me while I was drunk, and I end up missing 13 precious years of your life. And when I finally see you again, I have the audacity to forget your name . . . It’s no wonder you hated me when you first arrived . . . I’m sure you still do . . . How can you even begin to forgive me for something like that?”

“It wasn’t easy for me to start to forgive you, Ben. And to be honest, I’m still lacking your trust, but I’m beginning to forgive you. You’re making up for it. And I know that if you could go back in time, you would change things. I know you didn’t want me to be taken away, and I know you didn’t want Mom to leave either, but you’re making up for it now, and you’re sorry. That’s what’s important. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself.”

“How can you forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?” He asked. I looked at him and put my hand over his. “You’re not the worst father in the world. I’m sure if Mom were here, she’d be proud of how much you’re trying to make things right again.” I gave a small smile. Ben got up and wrapped me into a tight hug. “You’re all I have left, Clair. Please don’t let me lose you again, okay? If I ever start screwing up again, set me straight. Please.” I nodded. “I love you, Clair.” He murmured. I don’t remember a time where he’s ever said that to me. I’ve heard him say the casual “love ya” so many times before, but never the actual words “I love you.” I held him tighter. “You too, Dad.”

We said our goodnights, and I crawled back up to bed. I couldn’t help but look outside the window towards Kenai’s house, who’s curtains were drawn tightly shut. How was I going to get him to remember me? Will he even get his memories back? Or is it all a lost cause? I somehow drifted into a restless, dreamless sleep. My last conscious thought was of Kenai. Real Kenai. Bear Kenai. My Kenai.

KENAI URSUS

I woke up again from another restless sleep. It’s been the same recurring dream for months now, ever since I got out of the coma. Yes, some nights I wouldn’t have this dream, but it would always be either that dream or no dream at all. I was beginning to grow tired of it. What did this dream even mean? Cause I sure as hell don’t know.

I would always be in a forest, chasing a raven. It wanted me to follow it, and I always did. The raven would lead me to a girl with long red hair and green eyes in a white dress. I’d never be able to make out what her face really looked like, all I would be able to see was her eyes. She’d hold a hand out to me and call my name, then she’d run away. I’d chase her, and she’d lead me to a waterfall. She’d finally stop running, but as soon as she was within reach, as soon as I tried to touch her, something wouldn’t let me. It was as if there were a barrier between me and her. She’d begin to fade away, and I’d keep struggling to reach out to her, but by the time I had managed to even come close to touching her, she was gone. But tonight, for some reason, the girl looked like Clair.

I got up and looked out my window towards Clair’s house. I was able to make out her figure in bed, tossing and turning. She must have been having a nightmare. When I finally got a good look at her through her gossamer curtains, I noticed her top was already so low her breasts were close to popping out. I tightly shut the curtains. I didn’t want to see that. Yet, it was kind of arousing in a weird way . . .

I walked down into the kitchen and drank a glass of water. Even after I had finished my glass, I stayed there for a moment. How was it that the first day I met Clair, she was wearing the white dress like the girl in my dreams? Coincidence? Maybe. An eerie coincidence, though. How was it that she could have the same long copper hair and emerald green eyes like the faceless girl in my dreams? My mother walked into the kitchen, hair up in a bun and robe securely around her body. “Honey, what are you doing up?” She asked. I shook my head.

“I had the dream again.” I told her, looking out the window into the front yard. “Again?” I nodded. My mother was the only other person who knew I was having this dream, and it puzzled her as much as it did me. “Why do you think you keep having this dream?” She asked. I shrugged. “Beats me. It was different tonight, though. The girl actually had a face, and it was Clair.” My mother nodded in understanding.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that when we first met Clair, she was wearing a white dress and her hair was still really long? The day right before she cut it short? She has the same eyes and everything, and right now, I’m really confused as to what it all means.” Mom shook her head. “Maybe it doesn’t really mean anything at all. Just strange coincidences.” She suggested. Again, I shrugged. “I dunno, Mom. I’d think the same, but, it’s all just to close to be a coincidence. The weird thing is that I feel like I know her, live we’ve met before.”

“You know how people say ‘in your dreams?’ Maybe that’s actually the case this time. You feel like you know her because she looks like the girl from your dream.” I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s it. We were talking when we walked to school together. She was telling me about herself, and I wasn’t surprised or anything at what she told me. It was as if I already knew it all.”

“Maybe you just didn’t care all that much.” She said in a somewhat annoyed tone. “No, it’s not that at all. Mom, she told me that her mom died not even a year ago. I felt sorry for her, but I wasn’t even surprised to hear it. I really feel like I’ve met this girl before.” My mom put a thoughtful finger to her lips. “Maybe you met her before you had your accident. The doctors said it wasn’t likely you’d get your memories back, but maybe that’s why she seems familiar.”

“No, she was from New York. Didn’t you guys adopt me in Washington?” I asked. “Yes, but, that was only where the adoption center and hospital was. We don’t exactly know where it was you were found or where your accident took place.” She explained. I raised my eyebrows. “You mean you guys never asked?” Mom shook her head. “No, we did ask. They told us that some anonymous stranger brought you in and didn’t give any information as to where you were, just what had happened to you.” I shook my head, releasing a sigh. I was getting a headache. This was too much for one night.

“I’m going back to bed. Goodnight, Mom.” I said, giving her a peck on the cheek. “Sleep well, honey.” She said after me. What was all of this supposed to mean? Have I really met Clair before? Was she the girl in my dream? What if this dream was just some warped past memory that’s trying to resurface? I went back to bed, but was unable to sleep for the rest of the night. Only one thing remained in my mind the entire night. Who is Clair?