The Misvan Gatu: Intentions

Chapter Eight // Eric

Eric

The safe house was hidden ten minutes from the main road. It was a thickly wooded area; the small dirt road we turned down was impossible to see, unless you knew it was there. I couldn't have found anywhere so secluded on my own. The house was run down and old fashioned, the garden was overgrown and it was clear to see that no one had lived or cared for it in years. The gravity of our situation weighed heavily on my shoulders. I was the most wanted by a seriously powerful, insane underground goverment, that most people hadn't even heard of. I didn't ask for a life where every day I wondered if it was my last. I was on the run, with a woman I didn't know and I was terrified that she would end up dead because of me. She helped Lisa create the serum that enabled my soul to travel back into a new body and start my life where it left off. I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't here, living proof that they had succeeded in doing something, that the Misvan Gatu had barely scratched the surface of. I wondered if I looked in the mirror would I see me, or would I see John? I was scared that the old me had somehow disappeared, who was I now? Sage had got to work on setting up two makeshift beds, in the livingroom by the fireplace as soon as she let us in. There was no gas and no electricity, just a bunch of old furniture and moth eaten blankets.

"We need firewood to keep us warm Eric, I know there is an old shed out back where they've stored  some. Do you think you could grab some? I'll try and find some matches."

I nodded and shuffled back outside, I found the shed easily enough in the garden and it was full of firewood. Whoever stocked up the shed never came back to use it. I wondered how Sage found out about this place and what Lisa would say if she was here. I grabbed enough wood to light a fire and trudged back into the house. Sage was waiting by the fireplace with the matches, she gave me a weak smile and set about lighting the fire.

"So what does it feel like?" The fire burned slowly, crackling softly as she turned and looked at me. I sat down in the blankets and made myself comfortable. She came and sat next to me, her green eyes smouldering apprehensively.

"Uh, nice... We should warm up pretty quickly with that fire."

"I didn't mean the fire, Eric." I was finding it hard to look her in the eye. I knew she wasn't on about the fire, but the truth was, I didn't know how I felt. I still hadn't gotten used to the body; my skin, my hair, none of it felt right. I felt wrong.

"Sorry, I just haven't gotten used to it yet. I don't know what to say. I just feel like it's not me."

"Have you seen what you look like?" She frowned, trying to understand what I just said.

"Just glimpses, in windows. I didn't look though, I'm scared to see." I could feel her trying to work me out, and instead of looking at her, I just stared at my hands. The fingertips that weren't mine, fingerprints I hadn't been born with, nails that I hadn't chewed.

"I'm looking right at you Eric, but I don't see John. When you let me see your eyes, I can see you. Everything you were and will be. You don't need to be afraid, because I know that if you look, you will be able to see it too." She swallowed nervously, her voice sincere and understanding. I could feel her watching me, waiting for a response and when I couldn't face her and speak, she continued."And if you don't look. Well, I guess you'll never know."

I couldn't bring myself to look at her and when I didn't say anything, she took her hand and placed it on mine. Her hand was small against mine, delicate and soft and as I entwined my fingers in hers, I knew that the fierce protectiveness I felt towards her, wasn't something I could ignore. I turned and looked at her and her face creased with worry, lightened into a smile.

"What colour are my eyes?" 

She looked carefully from one to the other. "Brown." I didn't know how to feel when she told me. I had heard of John but never met him. Sadness filled me up, I would never be me again. My eyes weren't brown. They were his eyes. "But they used to be light blue." Her words broke me out of my self hate.