A Girl Like Her (STUDXSTUD)

Chapter 4.

Ariel

I grabbed my notebook out of the passenger seat after taking off my seatbelt and took a deep breath before opening the car door and stepping out. I decided to come to therapy today, to apologize for my breakdown yesterday and to see if it really actually would help in the long run.

Monica was right about me being stubborn, and actually.. I'm glad that I had ended up coming yesterday because Rachel made me realize that I was only thinking on things in my own point of view, and I wasn't looking over the relationship as a whole. Instead, I was just pushing Jaie's thoughts and feelings out and focusing on me and my own.

I had listened to what she said and wrote down my feelings last night after I had finally gotten home around 11:30. No, Monica didn't take me home. She let me walk the two hours back- because I had gotten lost- and she didn't bother trying to beg me to get into the car. I haven't seen nor spoken to her since I walked off last night, and my heart feels even more heavy than it already did before my fight with her.

Yes, I regret exploding on her when she has been doing nothing but take care of me and help me out with Armani and everything else that has been going on.. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be lying on the floor covered in broken glass, cuts, and bruises while Armani stayed in her crib all day.

I love Monica, don't get me wrong, but when you're dealing with a hurt person who's also in denial all the time.. you need to have some patience. But no, not everything is on her. I do need to apologize and I will; I just need to get this therapy session out of the way first before worrying about other things.

"Hey Ariel, how are you today?" Rachel smiled, greeting me as I walked in clutching the notebook close to me like a nerd in high school.

"Hi, I'm good I guess. How are you?" I asked as I sat down on the couch in front of her. She set her coffee mug down and crossed her legs while reaching to the other side of her, grabbing her notepad and pen.

"Pretty great."

It was silent for a few seconds and I tapped on the notebook with my nails while biting on the inside of my cheek. She cleared her throat, then began speaking again.

"So, I see you brought a notebook. Did you write down how you feel?"

I nodded and held it out for her to take, but she shook her head.

"I want you to read it to me."

I sat there uneasy for a few minutes, and she gave me a reassuring smile, letting me know that it was okay to read. I grabbed the cover of the journal and turned it, revealing the first page. My voice shook a bit as I began to read.

"I'm lost.. You were the only light that I've never known and you just.. took it away from me right when I was about to finally bloom.

My heart hurts. Sometimes I feel like it's completely shattered and like it's non existing. But other times I feel like there's this stabbing pain in it like you drove a knife right through the middle. You're the only person I've ever actually given my heart to and you completely crushed it. You broke it into one million little pieces and didn't even bother to pick them up. You left them for me to do on my lonesome. If anything, you scattered them across life for me to go trailing along and picking up; making life even harder.

With everyone else, I didn't fall this hard.. I didn't give them every little piece of me that I had to offer. I didn't show them things that I've shown you. I wasn't dedicated to them like I was you. Is this my karma for leaving them? Or Are you just an inconsiderate asshole who does what she wants when she wants?