A Girl Like Her (STUDXSTUD)

Chapter 3.

"We'll be waiting for you outside." Monica whispered as she kissed my cheek and walked out with Chrissy following behind her.

"Have a seat." Rachel smiled and pointed to a comfy looking couch; I nodded and sat down slowly.

"Would you mind introducing yourself?" Her smile never left her face as she pulled out a note pad and placed a box of tissues in front of me. Just in case.

"I'm Ariel Jackson, I'm 21 years old and I am here because I can't seem to get the hell over my ex fiancé." I said as I licked my lips. She nodded and wrote that down.

"Would you mind telling me what happened between the two of you?" She asked me, and I shrugged.

"I've been going through some family stuff, and I've been working a lot, and I guess she was bored and wanted attention that I couldn't give her. So she broke it off with me." I blankly said, and she nodded.

"Okay, now tell me again. Except this time, think of how she really felt. And not just how you view things."

I pondered in my mind for a few minutes before finally beginning to speak.

"I um.. maybe she was lonely?"

Images of me not being home for a long time while she was alone and bored at home doing nothing flashed through my mind.

"And.. when I was actually here all I did was fight and pick with her about things that bothered me.. I-I guess you could say we didn't have happy moments because I was always bitching and calling her out about things that I now realize didn't even matter. One day, I was talking to my ex and she had seen messages between us saying that we loved each other. I didn't think much of it because I didn't mean it like that.. But if she was to go and do that to me, I'd.. throw the biggest fit ever."

I feel like everything that I had been trying to deny and push to the back of my head were all coming to the surface, and my heart felt heavy and full of guilt.

"When I'd finally come back and talk to her and stuff, she'd be trying to be cute and ask how my day was and I was always in such a bad mood and I'd push her away and cut her off and just go to bed. I stopped having sex with her too, so maybe she was sexually frustrated and I wasn't helping.. I remember she'd call me when I was out sometimes and she'd you know.. do stuff.. while we were on the phone to try and make me happy and stuff but when I'd come home I was still.. rude-" I cut myself off with a loud gasp and I covered my mouth as tears began slowly falling from my eyes.  I looked at my feet, then in Rachel's eyes.

"I drove her away.."

I started sobbing with my hands covering my face, and every time I tried to speak all you'd hear were cries.

"She- She just wanted to love me and- and I was pushing her away." I choked out between sobs that were turning into screams. I was crying so much and so.. violently that Monica quickly busted into the room and came to my side, pulling me into her arms and letting me cry on her.

"I love her so much! I'm so sorry.. I wish I could tell her that."

"Shhh, it's okay." Monica spoke lowly.

"I can't do it, I can't!" I sobbed, clinging onto her tightly.

"Ariel, baby it's okay shh." She softly whispered in my ear while pulling me onto her lap, rocking side to side.

"No, I wanna go home."

"Okay, were gonna go home alright? Come on."
Monica lifted me off of her and stood up, grabbing my hand. Rachel got up also and handed me a few tissues. I was still crying too much to thank her or anything, so Monica did it for me.

"Thank you, and I'm sorry.. we'll be back tomorrow."

Rachel nodded and pat my back softly as she smiled. "It's okay," she started. "If you wouldn't mind.. write down how you feel in a journal as if you're speaking to your ex fiancé and we're gonna go over that tomorrow."

I nodded and wiped my eyes as I began slowly calming down, and Monica lead me out of the building and to the car.

"Where's Chrissy?" I sniffled as I got into the passenger side of the car.

"Her family needed her for some stuff, she said to tell you she'll come and hang with you tomorrow." She said before closing my door and then quickly walked to the drivers side and got in.

"Wanna go get some food?" She asked as she pulled out of the parking lot, and I nodded.

"Can we get some McDonald's?" I asked, and she chuckled. "You love that place." I nodded and stuck my tongue out at her before resting back on the seat. My head was beginning to hurt again, just like it has been every day now.

-
Moni and I had ended up getting it to go and she drove us back to the park that we were at earlier. We sat at a picnic table in the middle of the lowly-lit field at the park, occasionally talking but mostly eating. My chubby ass loves to eat. We knew this.

"You wanna talk about what happened earlier?" She asked me before taking a sip of her soda. I kicked my feet back and fourth slowly as I ate a French fry.

"Well.. I just felt bad. And I miss her so much you know? This whole time I was kind of- well not 'kind of', I was blaming our break up all on her and the fact that she just left me out of nowhere.. and Rachel told me to tell her what happened and I did but then she said to tell her again but basically with Jaie's side of it too and everything that I was doing that amounted to the breakup; I realized. And it hurt."

Monica sighed softly and rested her hands on the table, watching me as I began to take a bite of one of my chicken nuggets.

"Don't beat yourself up over it kid."

"I just want to tell her I'm sorry. But at the same time, she hurt me too and she didn't even say sorry. She could've sat me down and told me she was losing feelings or she could've told me how I was acting. Plus, we always work through stu-"

"Maybe she didn't want to keep 'working through' the same old shit Ari." Monica told me, making me put my food down.

"Actually, every single time we fought it was because of something she did, and she was always making me mad with her stupid bullshit." I shot at her, crossing my arms.

"No, I've been here since the beginning of y'all relationship Ariel. You get mad for the smallest things. Everyone messes up, because you do too. I'm still holding secrets that you never told her to this very day. You found out all of hers so you picked at her for it, but if she knew everything you do and did, she'd be the same way. Either y'all aren't meant to be, or she just needs time to think about what to do. Yes she probably misses you too but she's going on with life babygirl. She fucked up in the relationship but it wasn't all her, you did things too. And you keep denying so many damn things- you're never gonna realize the truth unless I lay it out for you." Monica sighed once again and I slammed my hand on the table, then got up and walked away leaving everything there.

"Don't bother taking me home, I'll walk." I said as I blinked my tears away quickly, walking down the field. I could hear her jogging up behind me and soon enough, she grabbed at my arm trying to stop me and turn me to face her.

"See! You're mad and I'm just trying to help you realize stuff!" She yelled at me, and I punched her chest as I screamed at her.

"No! You don't know shit Monica! You don't care about how I feel, everyone always cares about Jaie!" I yelled and turned to walk away.

"If I didn't fucking care I wouldn't be here right fucking now Ariel! You'd still be at your house either drinking your life away or dead while your kid lies in the crib all day!" She yelled once again and stood still. I chewed on my bottom lip and stayed silent as she shook her head.

"Be a fucking stud or something because this crazy ass dramatic fem shit ain't working. And you wonder why you lost Jaie." She rolled her eyes.

"Woooow." I chuckled and crossed my arms once again. "I don't wanna be a stupid bitter ass stud like you and your bitch ass friend."

After that, I turned and walked off. And she just let me.