VanossGaming Crew Smut And One Shots!

hunger.

Where is the hunger?
Where is the need for basic sustenance?
Where do I find the one thing I need most to keep living?

Where am I?

Where is it?

***

Life gets complicated. It can be turned into a drunken and high mess. A mess where you're lifted into eternity to wonder what is lying in the future for you besides stress and worries. It's a mess sometimes, to the point where you want to scream and tear your hair out and just run away to a random country or state in the world without looking back. You want to drop everything, your parents, siblings, family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, no one at all but everyone at the same time. You want to become invisible but be seen by everyone just to get someone's attention and hope they lend you a hand to help lead you through this mess of a life.

The mess is felt like a pang to the heart. It's a jolt of lightning, letting you know that you're still living and feeling as much as you're heart, mind, body, and soul will allow you. You'll keep feeling until you go numb within time. Then you spiral down into a deep pit of wonder, curious as to what the hell happened to your mentality and how you ended up in your own dark pit of hell in the pocket of your own brain; sealed with an air-tight vault with several different locks and codes.

You're lost within yourself.

You're hiding from you.

Where do you begin to pick up the pieces? Or should you even try? Should you give up and let time take its toll?

You drop out of every day activities and become the hermit that you're life destined you to be. You beg, steal, lie, and become something you should never have ended up as.

You were always good to yourself.

You were perfect, innocent, strong, and smart. You led a healthy life, happy and full of curiosity to learn.

That's until the storm started inside you. You twisted up and let loose all of the pain and hurt you'd gone through.

Oh, and that man that says he loves you, what does he know? He's only known you for 5 months. He knows nothing of who you truly are. He knows the social butterfly you. He doesn't know the darkness that hides within the thick walls of your skin. He strives to be better for you and make things work for you. He swears to the gods above that you hung the fucking moon. But little does he know you actually created the hell below your own two feet. You led the army that destroyed your own mind.

You're destroying yourself from the vault inside the pocket of your mind, to the outside that smiles and shines as if you've never done a thing wrong in your whole life. This is the you he knows and that everyone knows.

They judge you for what you are, not who you are.

Adults see you as the golden child. The perfect wonder thay everyone wants their child to be like. You're compared to other kids, asked to be the boss in class and work, asked to be the higher up who knows what they want in life 24/7.

Little do they know, you have no idea what you're doing. You're walking blindly through the flith ridden forest in an abandoned world before you. It's filled with the bewilderment of life amd the confusion of love. You're scared and lost so you scream out for help but nobody hears what you have to say. They call you an over-achiever in anything you do. They say you're too good for anyone, you'll never settle down. They don't trust who you are at times because they think you're too good to be true. And maybe you are.

But you're teetering on a cliff, ready to throw yourself off at any moment. Even the slightest change in wind direction would topple you over into the depths of the hell you've created for yourself. You look down and see the demons you've kept inside all this time. They're screaming your name, wanting you to be with them forever. Sometimes you think about walking over the edge of the unforgiving cliff and ending it all right there. Yet, there's always one person there to help pull you back over that thin line of hope. Sometimes she comes and goes and doesn't always stay long, but she lingers in the background of your life, feeding you influence. She holds your hand as tight as you need it when you need it. That's the one true person you have to yourself to trust. She's near but just as far as you need her to be. She's her and you're you. It's nothing weird in the sense of love. You don't love her, but you love her as if she's your family or sister. She's your best friend and maybe just always will be.

But in the end , life takes all and decides all. It throws obstacles at you, your friends, family, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Life makes you teeter on the edge of hope where you stare down at your reckless hell below; the nasty demons stating deep into your influential eyes as if you'd never seen the light of a peaceful day once ever. You see this, and realize, life isn't terrible, but it isn't great. It has it's ups and downs, but you just gotta take it as it comes.

But we all are teetering on that edge aren't we?

We all want to jump into that abyss where our worries disappear and become real life monsters that we can face.

But we don't.

Why don't we?