With trembling hands, I pull the earbuds out and a shaky breath escapes from my lips. I lift my head and stare up at the ceiling, feeling the tears slowly roll down my cheeks. I can’t imagine what it would be like without him. The end of his life would, in a sense, mean the end of mine.
Strangely, I remain calm as I stand up, picking up the iPod from the floor and slipping it into my jacket pocket. My fingers glide over the engraving, tracing the letters on the metal exterior. They are comforting and give me a nudge of courage. Mindlessly, my feet slowly begin taking me down the hallway. As I walk, I feel as if the pieces that had shattered inside me are putting themselves back together again.
I wander through the maze of white walls until I finally reach the door where Yerza is standing. I don’t know how long I had been gone, but I have the feeling she has been waiting for me the entire time. Although her face is hidden in the shadows, I hear her speak quietly.
“He’s awake.”
Those two words are a relief to my ears and I feel the pressure on my chest lessen a little. I notice how she had said “awake” and not “alive”. It’s like how “sleep” is sometimes used as a euphemism, as if a simple word can hide the reality of death. Death. I had avoided that word for the past few hours, or even the thought of it, but I realize now that there is no point in pretending any longer. Why are we so afraid of death? Because it’s the end. Because you can’t turn back. Because you have to endure the rest of your life without the one you love. But I am no longer scared because I know that with a love like ours, not even death could separate us.
I take a deep breath and look Yerza in the eyes. “Thank you.”
Yerza steps forward and lightly wraps her arms around me in a quick hug. “No. Thank you.” She gives me a small smile, her brown eyes gleaming faintly with tears. “For showing me what it means to truly love someone.”
I watch as she turns around and walks down the hall, and I wonder if maybe there is no end. Not in love, anyways. My heart fluttering softly, I place my hand on the doorknob and step inside the room before quietly closing the door behind me. It’s such a simple action that I have performed many times, but this time, it feels like it will be the last.
As I walk toward him, I pay no attention to the slow beeping of the heart monitor in the background. Instead I concentrate on the small details, the ones that make me appreciate the simplicity in life. The beginnings of sunrise peek through the translucent curtains and the soft rays of golden sunlight spill onto the figure in the bed. Dust motes drift through the air, floating near the window like tiny faeries of light in the tranquil atmosphere. Beneath the sheets, he gently stirs, turning to look in my direction. And suddenly, I am faced with his beautiful smile.
“Jenny.” As quiet as his voice is, there’s something beautiful about the way he says my name. How the letters roll off his tongue like morning dewdrops from a blade of grass.
Smiling through my tears, I sit down on the chair next to his bed. I take in every part of his face because I know I may never see it again. Placing my hand on my belly, I wonder if our son will be a spitting image of his father. Harry’s light green eyes gaze up at me, reflecting the smile on his pale lips. Golden brown curls frame his face and his dimple is a minute dent in his smooth skin, a perfect imperfection.
“Harry.” His name tastes so sweet on my tongue and I can’t help but smile. I want to tell him he’s beautiful, but there are no words to express the love I have for him. So instead, I settle for a kiss. As my lips softly descend on his, I feel the pain leave both of us. It’s amazing how being with him gives me so much hope and strength. I understand that, no matter what happens, this feeling will always be a part of me.
When my lips leave his, he says my name again. His voice is weak and frail, and I know it takes all his strength to speak his next words. “If I’m not with you—”
“Don’t say that,” I say, shaking my head gently. I smile and slip my left hand into his right one. “You’ll always be with me.”
Harry slowly shifts the wedding ring loosely around my finger so he can see the faint scar underneath. I watch as his lips lift up into a small smile and I know he is remembering the night we met and everything we have been through together. All of the memories that I had relived in the last hours passes through his mind in a matter of seconds. He looks into my eyes, tears of happiness filling up his own.
“I’ll always love you, Jenny,” he whispers. “Forever and always.” As he closes his eyes, I gently lay my head on his chest, our hands still entwined around each other’s.
“I love you too, Harry.” I close my eyes and listen to the slow, steady beating of his heart, murmuring to the same soft rhythm as my own. Beyond the horizon, the sky is illuminated with a golden light as the sun rises and a new day begins.
YOU ARE READING
Forever and Always (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction)
Fanfiction"To tell the truth, just talking aloud soothes me. Maybe it's because telling these stories is like reliving those breathtaking moments. Or maybe because it reassures me that I won't ever forget them. To me, making sure these memories stay alive mea...
