Why I Hate Rocking Chairs and Other Short Stories of the Paranormal

Miss Maple's Mincemeat Pies

I hate that old broad! Hugh pounded the steering wheel twice with an open fist. The wiper blades were on full force and still Hugh was having difficulty seeing the road ahead of him. The snow - mixed with rain was freezing the slush to the wipers as the temperature was dropping. He needed to stop and wipe them off or he was in big trouble.

Driving down the Trans Canada, in the middle of nowhere, three weeks before Christmas at one o’clock in the morning was the stupidest stunt he pulled in a real long time. If the old woman was not the only living family he had left in the world and was leaving everything to him in her Will, he swore that he would put her in the grave.

Now pulled over to the side of the road Hugh gets ready to face the weather. His hood is up over his head and pulling on his fur-lined leather gloves Hugh slipped down and out of the van’s seat. He landed in two feet of freezing snow that was turning quickly into wet white mulch! His leather fur lined boots were not water sealed and started leaking. His socks were getting wet! So on top of everything else he was going to have to drive with cold feet for the next hour! God, I hate that broad!

Flashlight jammed into his collar and held there by his chin, left Hugh's hands free to clean off the wipers and windshield. At this rate, he will have to stop again before he gets home. It was something else he will have to thank the sweet Miss Maple for!

Hugh did not see the tall man come up the dark side of the van. “Man I’m glad you stopped! I’ve been hitching for hours but no one can see me in this weather!” Hugh sized him quickly and said; “My insurance won’t let me pick up hitchers!” and he opened the driver’s door and got in. The other man jumped into the passenger’s side. Hugh had forgotten to lock the doors! (He imagined himself hitting his head against the steering wheel. Soooo stupid!)

“Man, honest I won’t give you any trouble! I just want to get somewhere warm and dry!”

Hugh was frowning and getting ready to boot him out of the van but his demeanour changed. “Yep, okay! It Christmas right; time to be kind to our fellow man! My name’s Hugh what’s yours?”

“Derek, Derek LeBlanc, nice to meet you!” Putting his cold hand out for Hugh to shake. “I forgot how cold winter is in Canada.” He unzipped his jacket as Hugh had the heater on full blast. "Man, it’s nice to get warm!”

"Where were you?", Derek asked friendly like.

“I was in the army overseas for the last four years. Must’ve thinned my blood.” Pulling at his sleeves, “Mind if I take my jacket off and get comfortable.”

“See any action?” Hugh turned his head slightly keeping his eyes on the road.

“No, I was a cook and as you can see I was good at what I did!” pointing at his gut which was bursting at the buttons.” They both laughed.

“I saw Miss Maple’s Pies painted on your van, do you work for her?” He was feeling good and the heat was making him sleepy.

Hugh too was in a brighter mood now that he had someone to share the time with. “Yep, she’s my auntie.  I‘ve been living with her since my folks died years ago. She's my only family. What about you do you have any family?” Hugh smiled at Derek. He had nice smile but one of his front teeth was missing. Lost it in a hockey game during the finals last winter and had not gone to the dentist yet to get a partial. Why bother, he was going into another bloody hockey season, right! Maybe Auntie Maple will put in a dental plan, right! Like that would ever happen. Tight with the pennies that one, she is as cheap as a church mouse. Hugh could hear her say; “Watch your pennies boy and the dollars will look after themselves!” She had large mayo bottles piled high all around the back of the store filled with pennies. He knocked one bottle over and she made him pick up every one.