Endless Shadows

Chapter 29

Yet even now, I'm pushing Pallando away. I haven't tried hard enough to reach Anna. 

Am I shutting them out too?

"Talk to them Amarth," Faervel says releasing me, "talk to them before it's too late."
I turn to look at him but he's already moved passed me towards the window. He places his hands on the window sill and stares solemnly outside, the wind blowing his dark hair behind him. 
"You may go now Amarth. I have said all that I needed to say."

I hesitate. Part of me wants to leave, but the other part of me wants to stay. I have more questions, I need advice, yet I don't want it from Faervel. Normally I would go to Pallando, but I don't feel right in doing that after what happened. Legolas is currently not an option and Morwen is out of the question. I don't know Darovel well enough to go to him with this sort of thing. 

And Anna, I don't want to weigh her down with my problems. 

Then again, Faervel told me to go to them. 

Slowly I begin to make my way towards the door. I place my hand on the handle and stop. Glancing over my shoulder I ask Faervel one more question, "The amulet, it brings memories back, right?"

"Yes, but it is not wise to force its use onto others." He replies without turning away from the window.
"They have to accept the memories willingly?" I venture.
"If you are going to do it Amarth then go now. The amulet is yours to do with as you wish." There's an edge of coldness to his voice. Not an angry cold, but a coldness that comes from grief. What is he upset about? 

I want to ask but I can sense that he is no longer in a talking mood. Sighing I open the door and leave the room, closing it behind me. I make my way down the hall. I know where I'm going, I just don't know what's going to happen when I get there. 

/\\//\\/

Anna's POV

She sat on her bed hugging her knees to her chest. The windows were shut and no light entered the small room. This had been her world for the last few weeks. Dark and silent. She didn't want anyone to see her, the shame she carried threatened to crush her. 

"The night we confessed our love, we bonded and our hearts became one."

Anna shuddered and drew her knees even closer. She didn't know what laws and customs the Wood Elves had regarding marriage, but she knew those of the Avari. 

And I broke them, I broke them and I didn't even know! I married an elf that I don't even remember!

She moaned and let herself fall onto her bed. Why did she have to think about him?! Every time she did the longings came back to torment her. Her feä was constantly being pulled towards him, to Legolas.

And it hurt, oh how it hurt! Tears fell from green eyes as she tried to quell the increasing pain. She whimpered softly and wrapped her arms around herself. The only way to be rid of the pain was for her to be with Legolas, but she could not do that.

She would not go to him.

Is he feeling the same pain that I am? She wondered. Was he out there now? Writhing in pain like she was? 

Our souls are intertwined, they have been apart for too long.

Was this what love did to a person? How could something she had fantasized about all of her life be so terrible? Whenever anyone had spoken to her about love they described it as the most beautiful thing. 

Did those people ever feel this pain? Did they ever experience this horrible, tearing apart of the soul? 

A knock on her door jolted Anna from her thoughts. She tried to push herself into a sitting position but the pain was too much.
"Anna? Can I come in?" 
She didn't reply and instead buried her face into her blanket. Why did it have to be her brother? She couldn't let him see her like this! She couldn't let him see her guilt and shame.
"Anna?" His voice called to her from the other side of the door. 

"Go away Caran." She mumbled into her bed.
"Anna?"
"I said go away!" She screamed raising her head. Silence followed her words. Anna held her breath, waiting for him to try again. 

There was nothing.

/\\//\\/

I walk away from Anna's room with my head down. She's never screamed at me like that. I thought I'd be hurt, instead there is nothing. It's as if I've gone numb. And I don't know whether it's because of Anna's rejection of me, or Faervel's words from before. Or maybe, it's because I feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do to help Anna. There is not a thing I can say or do that will comfort her. 

She's ashamed of what she did, I know she is. Anna, my sweet little sister, is slipping away from me. I thought I'd gotten her back, but I was wrong. I lost her the day I abandoned her in Mirkwood. 

"Are you alright Amarth?" 
I jump and whirl around to see Darovel standing behind me. How did I not hear him? I must have been more distracted than I thought. 
"Why do you care?" I snap. "You're never around anymore. I've hardly seen you since we arrived at this place."
"You haven't exactly been open to talking with anyone either." He replies shifting his weight onto his uninjured leg.