I saw a contest and while it's already closed I still wanted to write about my journey. So i guess this is a story of me and how I grew to be the person I am today and how I'm learning to love the way I am. And that sometimes it's ok to be a little...
I didn't really have much to my life that started it all. I had parents that were still together, enough money to live, and a nice roof over my head. And these were things that some people would beg to have. So there was no triggering event that started the things that would shape me for the rest of my life, it was just one day I had some thoughts, and my mind decided to grow on those thoughts and.... my life changed from there. From there on came my week long visits at hospitals in hope for help to get my life back on track. But I only grew to be worse. My mind twisting how I saw everyone, from the people I loved to the people I walked past on the street.
I started to see how my parents treated me wasn't really counted as normal or healthy. The way I was critized based on my grades and my body and how sometimes criticism left me with bruises to show on my non-perfect body. And then my mind changed how I saw my friends too. It was like suddenly I had none that my mind told me that no one cared about me even though in my heart I knew they did. I was alone in my own mind for it to feed me lies to the point it hurt to even to look in the mirror and make eye contact with myself.
But after months of nine doctors and seven different pills I started to get frustrated in myself that I let my mind destroy the person I was and will be. So I began to open up, and instead of trying to be perfect in everyone's vision I started to learn how to be comfortable with myself, to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not cry but show a little smile. To be able to support my friends and try to find love while learning to love the person I am. And when bad thoughts clouded my mind and made me choke up on my words I let myself breathe instead holding it inside like it would disappeared if I ignored my own screams and tears. I tried to put myself in other's shoes and I looked at myself and saw that sometimes it's ok to be selfish, that it's ok to not make others happy by making yourself sad. That the way I looked might not be the best but there's nothing wrong with it because I'm learning that while I might slip here and there trying to be a better person it's ok as long as I know that sometimes my heart needs to take control not my mind. And that while I can hate the person I was for unraveling I should just be able to look back and see that I made progress. I am stronger now and I see there is nothing wrong with some self love.
Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
