THE AFTERMATH

ch. 28

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Holy shit, yesterday's funeral was very tiring and depressing. When we got home, I fell asleep as soon I reached my bed.

I turned to the other side of the bed and panicked. Olivia wasn't in bed at all. I got up and looked around the room. Nope, she wasn't in here at all.

I ran out of the room and searched the house. I first went to the restroom, knocking first. The door was unlocked, so I went in. She wasn't there. I then checked the other small closet I had that was near the kitchen. She wasn't in there.

I trudged to the kitchen, finally finding Olivia. She was sitting at the table with a blank expression on her face. I sighed and went up to her.

"There you are, I've been looking for you." I took a seat next to Olivia.

Olivia looked at me and looked away. I frowned and put my arm around her.

"Olivia, are you alright?" I asked, giving her a look of concern.

She shrugged off my arm and put her head down. Oh, she must be shaken up about the funeral.

"Do you want me to stay with you here?" I inquired in a low tone.

Olivia mumbled something incoherently. I moved closer to her, wanting to know what she said.

"What did you say?" I brought her head up and brushed the hair away from her face.

"I said that I want to be left alone." Olivia grumbled, glaring at me.

"Woah, what happened?" I questioned.

"Tommy, we just went to a funeral. My mom and dad's funeral. It caused so much stress on me that I can't even think straight. God only knows how much I miss them and how much I want to be with them." Olivia spoke, crossing her arms.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should've considered that you needed space, especially after a horrific event." I mumbled, looking away.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Tommy, I can't attend to your needs right now. It's not the time." I heard Olivia's chair scrape against the floor, signalling that she got up.

"What do you mean, my needs?" My eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"I mean that I can't help you right now. I can't support you at the moment with your hallucinations and nightmares." Olivia confessed.

"I'm not asking you to support me, Olivia. I'm just asking you to help me at times and give me even an ounce of your love. That would help me tremendously." I got up from my chair and sighed.

"Do you even know how selfish you sound? You're asking me to help you when I can't even help myself right now. Gosh, I had to see my parents dead on the floor! Do you know how traumatic that was?" Olivia growled.

"Olivia, I'm not being selfish. I'm not saying that I understand the situation you're going through, but we're both in pain. I'm just saying that we have to help each other out." I whispered in a calm tone.

Olivia stood there, not speaking. After a few moments, she looked at me with tears shining in her eyes.

"Aren't we supposed to take this one step at a time?" I asked, feeling a lump in my throat.

"Tommy, can I be honest with you?" Olivia wiped her eyes and went closer to me.

I nodded, waiting for what she has to say.

"In order for you to be saved, you have to save yourself first. You have to work things out with yourself before completely depending on a person. What I'm saying is that we have to deal with our problems by ourselves first. The first person who discovers their problem first will always be yourself. You just have to find a way to resolve it without breaking apart." Olivia's voice was shaky.

I tried to say something but no words came out. I was completely stunned by what she said.

"S-So you're saying that we s-should be apart for a l-little while?" I stuttered.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean that we shouldn't depend on each other all the time like we were each other's lifelines." Olivia admitted.

"But you need support and I do as well. With the combination of our help, we can conquer our problems." I argued.

"I know, but I just need space. Just so I can try to figure out my life right now. I suggest that you do the same." Olivia started to walk out of the kitchen.

"But what if you're only thing that's going good for me?" Olivia turned around and gave me a sad look.

"Tommy, you're the only person in my life that's making me sane. I just need to deal with what's inside me that's trying to make me insane." Olivia turned back around and walked out of the kitchen.

I stood there, trying to process the conversation we had. A little voice inside of me was telling me that Olivia was being rude. Another voice was telling me that she just needed time.

I shuddered and closed my eyes. Olivia didn't deserve this. Olivia didn't deserve a selfish boy that only cared about an event that happened two years ago. She needs a man who'll love her unconditionally.

She needs someone who'll treat her so much better. She needs a guy who's strong and insensitive. She doesn't need someone like me who's fearing for his life and his mental health.

I felt a tear trail down my cheek. I wish this would all be over. I wish that I could regain whatever bit of hope I had in me. The only reason I would want that hope is just so I can give it to Olivia.

I would give her every single bit of my hope just so I can see her happy again. It pains me so much that I have to see Olivia's eyes now filled with dread. They were not the hazel eyes that were filled with light and joy.

They were now the eyes that I have. Dead and clouded with misery.