mended vs. settLed (a FOURTRIS love story)

CH 31: Jealousy

CH 31: Jealousy

Date: End of July +o+ Baby is 9+ months old

^^ In the Apartment ^^

*Tris POV*

"Tris, are you okay?" Tobias asks me, his voice sounding so serious. I notice the way he is rushing to grab his dress shirt as he is now late for his little breakfast.

No, Tobias. I am dying on the inside. Why am I in this position again? Forcing myself to go against my instincts and let you and Christina do your thing. Closure? Oh, she needs closure? Run along and give her what she needs. I'll just be here, taking care of our baby.

"Yup," I say as I walk towards the apartment door. I make it a point to look at the clock on the wall. He's running late. Christina won't like that, I'm sure. She is not one to put up with people's crap. Unlike me.

"You better go," I say as I struggle to keep my face neutral.

He nods, agreeing with me.

"Bye," Tobias says.

"Bye," I say as I force a small smile. Knowing where he is going, I just want him out of the apartment before I lose my shit. I'm hanging on by a thread.

The moment the apartment door shuts behind him, I release the air I had been holding. It's sad how much stress all this causes me. Too much. I bite my lip remembering how at ease and happy Christina is with Tobias's "family" of friends. He has been on me for months about how important they are to him, and how he needs me to try.

No, I have to stop. I can't worry about all of that now. My first priority is Andy and keeping it together. He deserves a good life, not a mommy that has pity parties for herself.

I kiss Andy's chubby little cheek; this baby is the light of my life. No matter how bad things are, or even how good, this baby keeps me grounded and secure. I push away all of the jealousy and insecurities that I feel. They'll be waiting for me later.

It's not Tobias's fault you are....

You.

I pick up Andy and sing his favorite songs, and then promise to play the CD with the voices of people that actually have talent.

My phone beeps. I hope it is Tobias calling to tell me that breakfast is already over. I scoop Andy up and walk to the kitchen counter where my phone is charging.

Text from Jessica:

Tris! Last minute trip to Chicago for work. For the next few days, I have a suite at the hotel on N. Michigan (at E. Huron) that they just finished restoring. My schedule is clear today. Let's meet here, or anywhere you want. I need to give your baby a big squeeze.

I frown as I read her text. I love Jessica, she is an amazing friend, but she can also read me like a book. I can't talk to her now. I need to get control of my emotions first. I need to calm down.

I will text her later, when I don't feel like there is a ton of bricks sitting on my chest. Looking at the clock, I wonder what Tobias and Christina are doing right now. I frown and chastise myself for even thinking about them. They are doing whatever they are doing. Thinking about them won't change anything.

Andy eats all of his breakfast, laughing at the CD that is playing his favorite nursery songs. After that, I watch him carefully as he alternates between speed crawling and cruising around the apartment. He is an expert at pulling himself up and then walking while holding on to different pieces of furniture. It is adorable to watch.