Captain Levi

Chapter 2

“Irvin.”

“Levi.”

“I need some time off.”

“You know we can’t afford that right now.  Just wait a few weeks, things will die down, you can take a trip with your team to the countryside to train-“  Irvin stopped short at the gaze from his corporal.

“I don’t have a team anymore.  That’s why I need time off.”

“Levi…” The shorter man flopped down upon his couch, and all was still for a moment between the two, Levi at ease with the tension in the air, Irvin rather stiff.

“We were engaged, you know.”  Irvin’s eyes widened, “I was going to speak with her father, and we would have an announcement as soon as Annie was secured.  It was decided as soon as the Eren was placed on our squad.  We agreed then there was no time to waste, we made our decision.  How Ironic in the little time we did allow ourselves, it was at that point that she died.” His voice was again its usual monotone. 

“Levi- I’m sorry.  But you know relationships are forbidden among our ranks.  It wouldn’t have gone through anyway.  Petra could have left to marry, but you are tied to this legion by me.”

“She wasn’t opposed to living in sin, if that’s what it came down to.  We both knew we would be married, if not by law, then by tradition and heart.  Her words, of course, not mine.  But we were eager.  Very eager, for once in our lives.”

“…I’m sorry you lost her Levi.  She was a good soldier, I’m sure she meant a lot to you, but this war isn’t over, not until we strike all of the titans down, for good.  I’m sorry to tell you this-“

“Don’t talk shit, I’m not some fat royal you have to butter up.  Just get on with it Irvin.”

“It would have gotten in the way of your duty, as well as hers.  What if she became pregnant on duty? A dishonorable discharge would leave her penniless and with a child you could not care for either.”

“She would have kept it.  And stayed a soldier.”

“That’s all nice to think, but women-“

“No Irvin.  She would have.  She already was.”

“…What?”  Silence reigned over them, conversation at a standstill.  Levi didn’t want to elaborate, and Irvin refused to change topic.

“She was late(1),” Levi finally broke, “she didn’t know for sure,  but we both figured it to be true.  Sometimes stress levels can also affect it, but she told me it was unlikely for that to be the cause.  I told her to take time off, I would forward her all of my pay, she could live with her parents.  She insisted on fighting though.  She said she would stay until the day she was discharged, or she could find a way feign injury for a few months after her pregnancy became too obvious. 

“She was only two or three months pregnant, likely.  They say exercise is fine at that stage, I spoke with Hanji and she told me child development shouldn’t be impaired if, say, a trainee were to become pregnant.  So, assigned to Eren, I figured she would be safe anyway since her only duty was to run away from danger with him.  When I saw her that day…  I wanted to vomit.  My first thought went to her possible pregnancy, and my second thought was if she was even still alive.

“We see it all the time out there, Irvin.  When a soldier loses a comrade, their minds become so stricken with shock that they don’t even accept the death to be true.  I saw a girl give CPR to the mangled remains of a head and its ribcage once.  I just thought, how stupid.  But when I saw Petra’s body, most of it splattered elsewhere, her organs hanging out from her jacket, and busted ribs crushed beyond belief, I still thought she might have been fine.  It was such a brief thought, that from a distance, I deluded myself to even have that glimmer of hope.  As I got closer, I knew it was false, and I hated that I had even given myself the chance to have such a weakness of my mind.  I was disgusted with my own thoughts.   I gave myself hope, just so it could be crushed.

“I forced myself to keep going and pass her by, Irvin, and I have never had such a bitter taste in my mouth.”

“You have a month off Levi.  Get some rest, recover from your injuries, visit those dear to you.  When you return, I will have no more of it.  You will be the cold and concise captain I need you to be.  I can’t ask a platoon to follow a man who is swayed by his emotion.  So take the vacation, and start anew when you return.  1 month, not a day more Levi.”

“I’ll return in one month then, and not a damn day sooner, Irvin.”