everything, but nothing all at once

3

My first panic attack was when I was around 6 or 7 years old. I was in my playroom downstairs, which was in about the middle of my house at the time. My brother, who was a bubbly toddler of about 2 or 3 years old, was asleep on the couch at my feet. I was laying there unable to sleep. It was pitch black in the room and our T.V. was tuned onto Hulu where we were watching Fireman Sam. It was impossible to not think about things, with the nearly inaudible T.V. and the blackened room. I started imagining scenarios where our house would burn, how I'd lose so much. I started seeing shadows in the darkness of monsters ready to grab me and take me away. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, a heavy blanket was thrown on top of me and I was suffocating in the silence and shadows. I ran, crying and gasping, into the living room where my parents were. I could only barely gasp out "I can't breathe" about three times before my time was consumed by trying to catch that one breath that would calm me. My parents hugged me, told me to breathe slowing, in through my nose, out through my mouth. I was finally able to calm down and I was so emotionally and physically exhausted I fell asleep soon after. This moment, this first attack, broke the walls I had up. More came after it, and soon I was able to calm myself from them. Every now and then, to this day, I do have a few attacks that cripple me from moving and I drown in the gasps. Usually I get so tired after the fact that I just fall asleep immediately. If you have an anxiety attack like this, that cripples you, I'm always available to help you if you have no one else.