Ficlet Entries

VEAN- You fuck me, then snub me...

[VEAN- You fuck me, then snub me. Yo love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole.]

"You know this new book of—"

Vivien stopped talking then looked at the man who is lying on the couch. "What's wrong, Lean?"

"I'm sorry, Viv. Just tired." She snuggled closely to him, trying to massage his temple. This was one of the perks of their so-called-relationship, being close to Lean made her feel alive. Siguro sa dinami-rami na rin ng mga nangyari sa kanila—right after she had decided to give Lean another chance—it's hard for her. She wanted to be rational but her heart always betraying her.

"I am tired." Lean said once again.

"I know. Kakasabi mo lang 'di ba?" He removed her hand on his temple. Hinila siya nito palapit sa kanya kaya napaupo siya sa hita nito.

"I thought, you were tired?" Vivien whispered. Lean started to nuzzle her neck. She swore back then that she would not let herself to be involved on sex before marriage. But there were things that you can't control. Plus the fact, that Sociology taught her that sex is one of the basic needs of human according to Sigmund Freud.

Yes, she and Lean already did that 'thing' two months ago. The month that they had celebrated their monthsary. This is not her. She hasn't told anyone about this matter, not even with Barbs. Because she didn't want to disappoint her friends. Isa pa, ayaw niyang saktan ang mga ito or rather ayaw niyang saktan ang sarili niya kapag lumayo ang mga ito sa kanya because of her engagement in this thing.

"Hmm, Vivien." Lean was murmuring at her neck.

"What?"

"I love you, you know that right?"

She suddenly felt something odd in herself. The best word to describe their relationship? A whirlwind one. Hindi niya alam pero masyado siyang nabibilisan. Lean became a bit liberated after he returned to USA. Kahit siya, hindi na niya kilala ang sarili minsan kapag kasama niya ang boyfriend niya. He changed something within her, not just her virtue but deep inside her, maybe the way she looked into things.

There were times that Lean was unexplainable; they even fight for small details. Iyon ang hindi siya aware kung ano ba ang dapat niyang gawin, dahil ito naman talaga ung unang beses na nakaranas siya ng ganito, far from what she had read and watched. (Thanks to Rocky and Janine, for the advice). Siguro normal naman lahat ito sa isang relationship.

"Yes, I love you too." She said, facing him. Lean kissed her lips.

"I love you more." Suddenly, Lean stopped. He stood up then walked into the kitchen.

"Problem?" The thing she also hated about Lean is sometimes he snubs her, there's this incident when he denied her to his former colleague and they did fight about that. But this time something was really wrong. She was sure.

"Nothing."

"Wala? Bakit ka nandiyan? Bakit hindi ka umupo rito at magusap tayo?"

"Please, Viv, I'm tired."

"Of me?"

Lean looked at her. "What?" he almost shouted.

"Oh don't shout please." She looked at him.

"I hate you when you're looking at me like that." The phone chose to ring.

"Bakit? Hindi ako busy—" He looked at her. "Sa bahay lang ako. Yes. Punta ko diyan. Vivien? Nah, she's not here. Okay."

"What was that?"

Without any word, he left.

Vivien wanted to cry but she couldn't. Rational nga diba? So hindi niya kailangan ng paranoias. Wag kang magisip ng kung anu-ano, Vivien. But she couldn't help it. This was harder than she thought, sana maubos nalang ang what ifs. She promised herself that when Lean return that night, she will sort things out with him. She wanted a clear explanation because her thoughts were killing her. But that night came and she didn't have the chance to speak about them because the moment Lean stepped into her place, he undressed her so fast that she didn't have her time to think.

Vivien wanted to cry, and she was sure this is not the damn aftermath.

"Why are you crying?" There they are, lying on the floor, naked. Lean hugged her. Hindi na niya alam.

"Why did you do that?" Silly of her, she let him do that to her.

"What?"

"Wala." She wiped her tears. "Just forget it."

"Again, Vivien? I'm tired, wag mo kong paghulain."

"Right, you're tired." She laughed. "You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole."

You said it. Congratulations, Vivien.