LUCIFER » SIMON MINTER

Chapter 32

When I walked in my room, I couldn't help but glance at all the polaroids on my wall. I couldn't even bring myself to tear my eyes off our anniversary pictures. I couldn't help but wonder what Simon was doing right now, or if he was dealing with the situation okay. I sighed, knowing that I was letting the tides of my anxiety get higher, and if I didn't stop now, their waves would soon crash over me.

But seeing all my smiles in the pictures, I couldn't help but think he always brought out the best in me. But what am I supposed to do when I was always the best version of me when I was around him? How am I supposed to find somebody else who makes me as happy as I was when I was with him?

When I first met Simon, I told myself I'd never find someone with eyes a blue just like his, or a smile as contagious as his, or a heart as warm and genuine as his when he wraps me in his arms and tells me he loves me. I had never before and will never again find someone as encouraging and supportive as he was with my photography and uni work. He'd sit and edit for hours whilst I sat and typed up papers, both of us feeling more than content in the comfortable silence we shared. I told myself, if you can enjoy someone's company so much that you feel naked and bare without it, you'll never find that same comfort somewhere else.

I let myself crumble onto my bed. What am I supposed to do when I'm here crumbling and he's just fine?

I wanted to force myself to be happy, because I found success in photography and doing what I love, but how can I celebrate that without someone to love?

I see the door handle slowly lower, and then Freya pops her head in the room. When she sees me, probably tear-stained, she walks further in and shuts the door behind her. My bed dips as she sits down on the end of it, staring at my desk in silence. My laptop is closed, all my photography equipment is put away nicely, there's no school work to be seen.

'Man, your room looks like you died. There's no sign of life anywhere.' She spoke up for the first time in the short ten minutes she's been sitting there. I didn't say anything and picked at the split ends of my hair. 'You could do with some plants up in here.' She said. When I didn't reply, she turned around and looked at me. 'Hello?' She asked.

I looked up at her from underneath my lashes. She looked tired, and her usually straight hair hadn't been styled for a while. She hadn't even bothered putting mascara on.

Then she let herself fall on her back and lie down next to me. 'I think the situation you're in is complete shit. Like, if I was you, I'd feel the same.' She paused for a while. 'I think you need to stop living in your own suitcase.' She propped herself up on her arm, holding her head up with her hand to look down at me.

'What does that mean?' I croaked and cleared my throat.

'I mean, your suitcase is like your shell. You're travelling places, you're growing. Hell, you even had your own interview the other day!'

I blinked at her, urging her to continue.

'But you need to stop hiding from everything and just embrace it. Embrace the world and the people around you. You need to just step out of your suitcase, and instead, fill it with things you love and take it with you. Because if you continue living in your own suitcase, there won't be enough room for anything else.'

I smiled at her attempt to make a new metaphor. 'So you're saying I'm selfish because I take up all the space?'

'No! I'm just trying to say that you need to step out of your shell more. You can leave your anxiety in your suitcase, all your most embarrassing memories in your suitcase, you can even leave Simon in your suitcase if you want to, but don't let them define you. Don't get jumbled up with them in there. You are you and what you carry with you is your choice.'

I take a moment to think about what she said. I opened my mouth to respond but just as I did, her phone started ringing. Josh's name popped up on her screen, and she slid her finger over the screen to answer his call.

'Hi?' She asked, making it sound like a question.

'Hi Freya,' Josh said. There was a lot of loud clatter in the background, we could barely understand what Josh was saying. She put it on speaker, maybe that would help.

'What's all that noise in the background?' She shouted.

'Hm? Oh, that's Simon, he's been throwing snowballs at the house for a while now.'

---

so basically, I lied, this wasn't emotional at all, but it was pretty short 😂

Also what is Simon doing outside for once, might you ask? It'll make sense soon 👀

MAN IS SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF CHAPTERS, IM EVEN COLLABORATING WITH hxliday. A STORM IS COMING.

Mel xx