Ficlet Entries

ZADREAU - I want to fall asleep while embraced

[ZADREAU- I want to fall asleep while embraced]

***

Zade will come tonight and I could not contain my excitement. She would come here at my place to celebrate our first Christmas as a couple and I am really excited. This 'excitement' was the effect of my strong urge to be with her. I looked at my watch.  It was nine in the evening, ilang oras pa. Ilang oras nalang, papasok na siya diyan sa pintuan ng condo mo, smiling at you. 

Oh god, please make it faster.

My phone rang... but it was Mars. "I'm fine of course. Okay. Merry Christmas too."

Mas pinili kong mag-stay rito ngayong pasko dahil may tinatapos akong video editing na kailangan agad next week, this was also the first Christmas that I am not with Tristan, nasa London sila, experiencing the white Christmas. Nung una nahirapan pa akong i-explain kay Tristan kung bakit hindi ako makakasama, thanks to Zade, at napilit ko si Tristan na sa birthday nito ay babawi na lang ako, rather kaming dalawa ni Zade. 

Speaking of Zade,  moments ago, we were talking through Facetime. I have said that I would wait for her here in my condo. Dahil hindi rin naman umuwi si Zade sa kanila, we have decided to celebrate Christmas together.

I was nervous. Hell, I did not know why. Surely, Zade would laugh at me because I am being a pussy about this thing. Ano naman kasing dapat ikakaba, Cortez? Pupunta lang naman siya dito, that's all, quit thinking something else or some disturbing thoughts. 

Where did that come from? 'Disturbing' was Kesh's word.

I took the wine glass on the table to make me feel somehow at ease. A moment later, I heard a knock on the door. 

That's not Zade, hindi na iyon kakatok kung siya iyon.

The knocking continued. God, this was not The Walking Dead right? This was not me.

I opened the door, and it was her.

"Kanina pa ko kumakatok ah! What are you--" Before she could say anything, niyakap ko na siya.

"What's wrong, Andreau?" she asked.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hug you, babe." I smiled. We were here standing at the door, hugging each other. I could feel the warmth of her body.

"Dahil ba sa nakalimutan ko yung key ko?" I laughed upon hearing that. I decided to let go of her. I looked at her once more at inakay ko na siya sa loob.

Zade saw the wineglass, napasimangot ito.

"I don't want you drunk, Cortez." Sabay kuha sa wine at wineglass na may kaunting laman pa. I smiled about her concern.

"Come here, Zades." Umupo naman siya sa tabi ko. Niyakap ko ulit siya.

"Ano ba? Epekto ba 'yan ng holiday blues?" I opted not to answer her.

"May gusto ka bang iregalo ko sa 'yo?" she asked.

"You are enough." I saw her blushed.

"Kumain na tayo, Cortez. I'm starving."

Tumayo na si Zade papunta sa kitchen and there I am, watching her. Just the mere sight of her really made my heart swell. Was this the same thing that I would expect when she became my wife? God, it was indeed a fine sight. And It was never an almost, because Zade is here with me. And she was the most beautiful gift I had ever received this Christmas, better than the Breaking Bad mug and other gifts. We ate that night, we have talked about the biggest to smallest things of our relationship. 

With Zade, I could laugh with my heart out, dahil alam kong iba siya. She was different. The first time that I asked her help back then, she was a geek student who talked a lots of weird words. But as time goes by, I have realized what kind of person Zade is. And I am thankful that we have started off as a friend and ended up into this thing, because she was really a wonderful person. (Remember the efforts that she had made just to make me feel better back then).

And there she was, on my side, hindi alam ni Zade na isa ito sa mga kinakatakutan ko--having someone on my side, on my bed particularly-- dahil simula nung mawala sila mama, wala na akong katabi sa pagtulog, not even Tristan dahil ako ang tumatabi sa kanya. But having Zade beside me really made me happy and scared at the same time. And I didn't want her to feel my uneasiness towards this thing.

"Andreau?" she held my hand.

"Hmm?"

"You have heavy breathings. What's wrong?"

"Wala, matulog nalang tayo."

"KJ Andreau, it's Christmas! We should celebrate!"

"We have already ate, Zade, sleep." I hugged her tightly, still entwining her hands to mine.

"'Di pa ako inaantok okay? Are you nervous?"

"Bakit ako kakabahan?" I know I am not good on lying.

"Because I am here?" Exactly,Zade

"You know, you're always giving me butterflies, babe. So sleep. Stop provoking me."

"Prude as ever." I heard her whispers. I snuggled close to her and kissed her hair. 

A realization hit me, this was the thing that I really wanted, this contentment, no sex, no anything else. It has been many year since someone hugged me or I hug someone on my bed. And it felt so much better because it was Zade after all. I didn't want to exchange this moment over anything else. Embracing her like this, was the reason why I always want to thank God for everything. And I hope it was not the last time that I will hold her closely.  

Her face was the last thing I knew before I closed my eyes to sleep.