From a young age, I've known I liked helping people. I hated seeing people sad and down in the dumps. Whether at home or at school I picked up on People's emotions. Typically it was the negative emotions that affected me more than the positive ones. Other's Anger often made me cry, other's Sadness often made me cry. I didn't have a good way to react to other's pain outside of being sad for them. I just knew other's emotions moved me deeply. I would become energetic when others were happy and cry when others were Angry/sad it's just how I reacted to it. Up until the age of 11 I thought I either wanted to be a doctor or Fireman. And then heard Michael Jackson for the first time(A couple days after he died, sad to say.) I was at my grandma's house when I heard the news that he'd passed away. And I had no idea who he was. I honestly thought that he was a basketball player. My Grandad invited me and My younger Sibling into his room to show us who he was, and what video was I faced with?
The Full Length "Thriller" Music Video. At the time Grandad loved scaring us so of course he scared jump scared both of us, but we still stayed and watched. I was captivated with this man's voice and I was in love with his style. He was my therapy. Michael helped me through a rough emotional time in my life.
He gave off a sense of Danger and Adventure, but through his music he wanted to Help others. He was doing and saying so many things in his songs that I could legitimately vibe with although there were definitely hidden Sexual meanings in some of his songs. He helped me discover things about myself that I never knew. His music could calm me down, put a smile on my face, and even Help me sleep. He made me realize that I wanted to Sing.
My later middle school years and and early High school years were filled with angst, as I assume most people were feeling the same.
But I managed to channeled it through music and Choir. During the later years of High school Music is still what I wanted to do but it wasn't as therapeutic as it was before. I barely scraped through High school to graduated. When I graduated I graduated with the exact Bare minimum requirements. So it's a wonder to me why my mother pushed me so hard to go to college. I was hitting A wall and I knew this for a fact. And originally I was planning on taking a year which in hindsight definitely would've been the right option after all. Though I assume she didn't know how bad my mental health was getting until i was at College, and I didn't speak to anyone in my family for weeks at a time.
I got to college and sadly music wasn't enough therapy for me. I knew what I wanted from college but whether I was willing to endure for this goal is questionable. I wanted to go for Vocal Performance(Singing) and possibly side it with something in theatre.
But My depression took a toll on me and my anxious roundabout behaviors definitely didn't fit the college lifestyle. I dropped out recently.
I'm realizing that my goals are still the same but it will need to be halted for now. I suppose.
I still want to sing and I still want to help people. Even better if I can do both. I've been considering like... Music Therapy as an option for when I go... if I go back.
