So last night I tried to break up with him again. Third attempt, I failed. It's not that the relationship isn't perfect. It's absolutely perfect and honestly gives me more fulfillment than a lot of things important to me do. He makes me very happy. But there's a very large blockade making it so we can't get married. I don't care to explain it too much. Just basically in my religion there's a different type of marriage that makes the bond a lot stronger and deeper. I want to get married like that. I want to marry him that way. But, in order to get married in that way you have to be a member of my religion. He doesn't want to do that. He loves me and says he'd do anything for me, but he doesn't want to change religions. He knows I can't because of another thing thats keeping me there. There are two options. There are reasons there are only two options and I will not explain what they are. Either switch to my religion and marry me and be with me, or end it somewhere along the road.
I was very calm last night, and we were talking about how there's no future. I said I was breaking up with him because I didn't wanna hurt him more. All he said was okay. He didn't want to hurt me by pleading I stay with him. He knew it needed to happen sometime. I gave in. Had a panic attack. Cried. He said I needed to pray. So, I did.
I prayed and as soon as I mentioned Issac switching to my religion, I felt calm. Nothing hurt anymore. So, I will marry him. I will do all that I can to get him to marry me and be my religion. I will marry him. And he doesn't know it yet, but he will marry me the way I want.
I don't take no for an answer.
