He said sorry. He said sorry... for being such a bad friend. For telling me it's easier to turn off my emotions. He said it was wrong of him to teach me to do that. He said he wasn't that great of a friend to me.
I didn't realize he still even cared. He's so different now. Vulnerable. They met each other. The new one in my life and the old one. They hit it off immediately. No wonder I care so much about both of them. They're practically the same person. The old one, let's call him A, and the new one, let's call him F. A said he'd never met someone he was so comfortable with after about 20 minutes of conversation. F loved him. I'm so glad my boys are friends. I figured they would be. I'm so surprised that A changed so much. The other night, he confessed all of his sins to me that he could remember. He's seen hell truly. It makes me wonder how people can survive such tragedy. I don't care what other people say, he's a good person. He can't tell his girlfriend any of it. He doesn't know why. He doesn't want her to be scared of him. F tries to tell me everything. But he can't remember a lot. A put into words the love F has for me. They are almost the same person, so it was pretty accurate. Though I'm nothing like A's girl, he loves her like F loves me. I am still surprised that A still even thinks about everything that happened between us. He feels bad. I had no idea. I think about our friendship occasionally too. Just, I didn't think he would still...want to be my friend. He's changed so much. He's done so much. He's become better. I wish he was in my life when all that stuff happened last year. But I don't think he would be the person he is today. So maybe I don't.
On a different note,
Yes, I still wish I could talk to you. But I promised I wouldn't. I think the end of our friendship was beneficial, because the conversation we had before the end was so open. I don't know. I doubt we'll talk again. Because I told you I'd leave you alone. I wish you'd have answered and said goodbye or something. I'm sorry Andy. I'm sorry. I think that things might be done with us, but it's really not my choice.
And lastly,
I miss you. I miss you fwieb. I miss you. You never even said goodbye? You were like my brother. Bye Felix... if I never get to talk
to you again... bye.
