London

37 - "I think we're through, done."

"I don't believe in mistakes," he tells me, wavering with his hands to let me sit down. "Why do you think he's calling?"

"Probably because he's angry that I don't text him anymore. Or maybe something's wrong with him or his family. I don't know."

"All negative things."

"You know me, so, yes."

"Maybe he just saw something fun that reminded him of you or maybe he has news about Palas that he wants to share with you. There's a million possibilities that don't necessarily mean bad news, Alex."

Feeling frustrated and pretty sure that after all this time there's no way his phonecall is to share good news, I take out my phone again and dial him back. Feeling stronger than I actual am I stare into doctor Collins eyes to prove a point. 

"Hello?" Thomas's voice is music to my ears, momentarily choking me now that my mind is swirling with possibilities of what this could mean. 

"You called?" I ask, hoping to sound as cold as I want to, but I know I sound hopeful instead. 

"Well, yeah, I did. I didn't actually think you'd pick up," he says as if he too is doing this all without a plan. 

"I did," I deadpan.

"Yes, thanks," he says and I can imagine him flustered, truly believing that I'd never answer the phone and only now is trying to find words for why he actually choose my number.

"What is it?"

"I, uhm, was just in the neighbourhood for the weekend. Thought maybe you wanted to meet up. You, Liam, Harry if he wishes."

"I'm not sure," I say, breaking eye contact with doctor Collins who is urging me to accept. 

"It was just a thought. I know you are ignoring me and you have every right to. I don't know, maybe this was a stupid idea. Don't mind me," he says, finding a way to hang up, but it pains me to hear him embarrassed. That's not the Thomas I know and care for. 

"It's okay," I breathe. "You can come to Liam's. He's free this weekend."

"And you?"

"I am too."

"Okay," he sighs, clearly relieved that I'm not blowing him off. "So, what would be a good time for you?"

"Somewhere tomorrow. Just text, I'm there," I tell him, letting out the fact that I'm always there. That Liam's place is my home. 

"And you'll text back this time?" He asks and even through the phone and even after not seeing him for almost a year, I can hear that it pains him to ask this. 

When Thomas left Palas I thought our candle had died down. He wanted to be there for his sister who was a new mother and we talked about meeting again, but I never thought he was serious. We spoke, texted and called here and there, but since he was always on the road and lived in Manchester, we never actually saw each other again. He must have thought that I was still in Palas when he returned for New Year's and he found out I moved back. If I were him, I'd be done with me. I did for Harry what I never got the chance to do for Thomas. 

Since then I ignored him, because I truly believed that me and Harry had a future and I didn't want to use Thomas as bait for a fight with Harry. He's too good a person for that, but I realize now that he never deserved the way I treated him and that I was truly afraid that if I did text back and honestly told him what was wrong, the meeting would have happened a lot sooner. 

"I will, promise."

He laughs at that, making me smile as well. "Okay, I'll try and believe you. See you tomorrow then."