Dear Crush! | A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction |

Meditate

Evan placed his bag down onto the leg of the couch, absolutely exhausted.

He could not help but rethink his entire situation. He could not help but rethink what made him decide to accept his offer so graciously. He could not help but rethink his friends' words. What they said was correct, that's true. They needed to work through this together.

He walked into his room, feeling the sudden gust of the warm air outside blow against him. He paused, scanning the room. The bright sun shining from the outside, covering the room in warmth. He took a few steps forward, still contemplating on his decision when he sat down on the bed.

He started to contemplate the last few days, trying to recollect himself and his racing thoughts as he subconsciously glared at the floorboards beneath his feet.

He tried to remember his feelings during the exchange with Connor, which had been further amplified by the quiet environment of his room.

Evan ran from the Murphy's house, absolutely distraught. He could feel his legs burning, as it carried him along the boardwalk. He could feel his lungs grasping for air, the warmth of the sun on his body. He could hear his strong footsteps, as he ran on the concrete ground in an attempt to hurry somewhere he could think.

Before he knew it, he was running towards the orchard. In fact, he did not even realise he had ran to the orchard, until he reached the entrance. The same cobblestone arc, lined with streaks of overgrown plants, wrapping around the cobblestone. He stopped at the entrance, panting. He could feel the harsh sandpaper texture of his throat, begging for some water. He gulped, attempting to use his saliva as a substitute.

He panted, the perspiration dripping down his face. He could even see the orange and yellow colour of the setting sun on his skin, casting a glow from the perspiration that covered his arms. He felt himself take a step forward into the orchard, his heart almost sinking.

Then he took another.

Soon, he found himself treading through the tall grass of the orchard at a much slower pace. His fingers stretched out slightly, feeling the soft grass against his fingers as it shuffled while he moved through it.

It almost felt natural to be in the orchard.

He wondered his way through the grass field, and arrived in front of the forest. His heart had slowed down, beating at a slower pace than before. He noticed that he was breathing slower now, as well. His throat still felt parched, but he gulped once more and started walking through the forest.

He felt his way through the forest, brushing his fingers against the tree trunks. He wondered through the forest, finally finding himself right in front of a clearing. He walked towards the other side, and then sat down, leaning his back against the trunk of the tree.

He glanced upwards, eyes focused the leaves that danced in the wind. He continued staring at the leaves repetitive, and yet calming, motion, feeling his eyelids becoming much heavier.

He then thought about his friends, about Connor, as he stared at the dancing leaves. He was so very disappointed in himself for yelling at Connor, giving Connor no chance to talk.

And he shut his eyes, feeling the comfortable breeze rock him to sleep as he leaned on the tree trunk, absolutely tired. The despair episode he had had kept him up during the night, so he had not gotten as much sleep as he would have liked to.

Suddenly, he felt himself being shaken awake, noticing how he was staring at Connor. He was looking down at him, as the darkness of the night loomed above him, illuminated by the moon. His eyes had been red, as if he had been crying.