Believe In Me

Chapter 20

 Michael’s POV

One month later from our first night, Amanda started taking birth control pills and I discarded the annoying condoms. Amanda is the answer to all my fervent prayers and dirty dreams. That’s all I’m gonna say. She’s a saint with my children and a sinner in my bed. She keeps me real, down to earth and honest with myself. If I don’t like something, if I feel uncomfortable, she doesn’t let me walk away and crawl in my shell of passive-aggressive silence. She’s in my face, provokes me, makes my pulse race…makes me feel alive.

I feel like I’ve lived in a limbo for years and years before I met her. Tonight it’s our six months anniversary. It’s a warm summer night and I arranged to have a table for two outside, in the fragrant air. The children are safely in bed and Amanda’s mother left for the cottage half an hour ago. She is still distant with me, but I really don’t mind. It’s too late to change her views on life and relationships. One day I will marry Amanda and her mother will approve of me. As if there is one Michael before the wedding ceremony and another Michael after the ceremony.

Tonight, Amanda did everything to tempt me. As if I needed further temptation. She wears a burgundy satin dress and lipstick of the same colour. No other makeup and her only accessory is the bracelet I gave her on Christmas. Which is just fine, because soon I’ll place a diamond pendant around her graceful neck.

“You look so beautiful tonight, Amanda”, I say reaching for her hand. “Dance with me, please.”

“I’d love to.”

She stands up and steps into my arms, as a soulful melody starts playing.

“It’s still a little unbelievable for me, you know? You and I, together...Sometimes it feels like a dream, too beautiful to be true.”

“But I am here, Michael. I am not a dream.”

“Yes, you are, cara mia, and we’re gonna do the tango like Homer and Morticia in Addams Family Values.”

She threw back her head and laughed wildly as I kept spinning her around in our dance. I love to see Amanda laughing. I feel proud of myself, knowing that I contribute to her happiness.

“Tu eres loco! I told you, didn’t I?”

“Si, mi amor. It was the day before Christmas and it was one of the best days of my life, shopping with you.”

“Wow…you remember…”

I stop dancing and gaze into her eyes.

“I remember every happy moment of my life. After the hell I’ve been through, holding on to happy memories is my key to sanity. You’ve no idea how much you being in my life means to me. You are the living proof of my normality.”

Her smooth hand touches my cheek and her voice is a mere whisper:

“How so? Why me, why not your children?”
“My children love me unconditionally, because I’m their father. But you…you’re just a normal woman from the normal world which is forever denied to me. If you love me…that’s the proof that there is something normal about me…something left there to be loved by a normal person like you.”

“What is normal?” she asks.

We take our seats by the table and I frown. She is watching me closely, expecting my answer.

“Normal is…what regular people do, the way they live, in peace and quiet. Children are raised in a loving family, they play, they go to school, they grow into teenagers, they fall in love for the first time…”

“Do you have any idea what percentage of people would fit this idealistic description, Michael? Perhaps 10-12% of this planet. Right now we have common law families, single parent families, mom plus dad plus his lover plus mom’s lover, or mom and an endless line of lovers….And children sometimes learn to cope in the streets, among thugs…If you get to know most people, the way you say you’d like to, you’ll realize that you and your children form a much normal family than most people. Dads sending their pre-teen kids to buy them alcohol and cigarettes are down every street. The kid gets curious, takes a sip, or lights a cigarette and a lifelong habit is born right then and there.”