Run

Part One | 10

Chapter 10

"Marie and I were never careful. We never thought about consequences. Back then, you always wore condoms, but Marie had told me she was on the pill, so after a while, we stopped caring. She had even promised that if she ever got pregnant, she'd fix it herself. I never really thought about it, but I never questioned her. If I had been more responsible, or at least more of a man, things might've been different.

But when she told me she was pregnant, I was horrified. I can remember exactly how it felt when she said the words. I was so scared. Never in my mind did I consider that she might actually get pregnant. I remember she had been thinking about an abortion, and honestly I was trying to be okay with that, but my thoughts kept messing with me the more thought about it. I'd envision this life of a family with her, thinking I'd work and work and work to provide for her and our kid.

I was only a kid, but I really thought I could do it. I had never been more scared in my entire life up until then. But I remember the time I told her and myself that I'd step up. I remember vividly how scary it was.

Damn. It's all coming back."

"Take your time."

"...Even though I was scared, I wonder how Marie felt when I told her all that bullshit about me not being the father. I basically called her a whore and I accused her of trying to tie me down. I really regret doing that now. I never even apologized to her for that.

Marie was right. I really am a piece of shit."

...

Paolo's shop was just about to close when I was almost done with working on a car. He tried to get me to leave instead of finishing it up, but working was the only thing that managed to get my mind off things. Right now, I really needed this.

When I heard a door slam, I dropped the wrench. "Paolo, I told you I'm going to be here for a little while longer."

"I'm not Paolo."

I froze at the voice. I hadn't heard from her in three days. Because of her absence, though I knew it wasn't true, I was beginning to think I really wasn't the father. Slowly, I rolled out from underneath the car, wishing it had crushed me beforehand.

Why is she here? 

Marie stood with a large Red Sox sweatshirt and two duffle bags. Her hair was a mess and looked even more worn out than when she was at my house two days ago. Maybe she told her parents...

I stood up and wiped my hands with a white cloth that I had set down on the hood of the car. "Why are you-"

Marie wiped away the strands of hair in her face. "Look, are you going to be in the picture or not because I need to know." 

I couldn't look at her. Not now.

"You're lucky I left you alone for three days. I was hoping you'd get your head out of your ass and come to the conclusion you're god-damn father, but..." she sighed heavily. "The reason I came is to figure out if you're actually going to be one or if you're going to be a deadbeat. You've had three days. I want your answer."

I tried to steady my breathing. The truth was she did give me three days, but I honestly still didn't have an answer for her. Most of me knew that I couldn't be a father, but a small part believed that maybe I could do it. Maybe I could.

"I don't have forever, Bryson!" she yelled angrily.

I threw the cloth at the floor. "I know you don't, Marie, but..." I looked down at my shoes, feeling the urge to cry. I looked at her. "Am I really the father?"