The Fucked Up Life Of A Teenager

One sided love

Hi, lovely people who read my book, yes I know, where the hell have I been, I've been studying and with it came my largest writer's block, I think it's decreased due to time trying and me trying my best to solve my mind puzzle. anyways let's begin.

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It's the hardest experiences I have ever gone through, even now as I'm writing what I'm feeling, I feel like crying my eyes out. It's difficult to deal with unannounced rejection. To the people who faced actual confession and rejection and are still living life, I personally raise my hat for you, Bravo. But my story is a bit different I guess. In my story, my heart was ripped because of 2 reasons:

 #Reason 1) because obviously no mutual feelings and that alone leaves me in a storm of thoughts on its own. 

#Reason 2)I felt and still feel sorry for myself, and he's the reason why.

My ex-crush is a, how can I say this, Aha! egoistic bitch. Now I never knew this until the end of last year. That's what gave me the courage to stop whatever feelings I have for that piece of shit.

It all started when .......

I was a kid. He was a really close family friend. Not my close family. My family as in my grandparent's aunts and uncles kind of family. as some of you know, I don't live in the country that I'm originally from, and he lives there so I practically only see him during summer vacations. That wasn't a problem for me at all, and even now I thank God millions and billions of times because he doesn't live in the same country. It's just less drama to deal with for my current situation. I started to recognize him when I was 9. I know why the fuck wasn't I thinking of watching Teletubbies and Barney and just shut the fuck up.  but what can I do? every summer we used to play together because we were practically the same age. But I was 6 months older. I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING! anyways, he now looks like he's older by smoothly 4 years, puberty hit him hard.

So where was I? oh yea playing together. so our favorite game was lego system. I'm still madly in love with the game but he now thinks it's ridiculous. we used to build a whole house with his younger sister and mine which are also the same age, only younger by 3 years, so we used to make rooms, a kitchen, a small living room, and a cute entrance. one of the rooms used to be ours and I used to pick the color scheme of the room. Guess what were the colors I used to pick, GUESS WHAT FUCKING COLORS I USED TO PICK! red and white. Fucking red and white like it's Valentine each time we play or some shit. These days ended quickly as we got older pretty quick when his cute chubby cheeked childish soul was still alive. The whole time we didn't even count each other as friends well I didn't because we never had a conversation. whether it was about the day in general or what we ate today for lunch.we grew up in different societies. different worlds. But that doesn't prevent two hearts to meet by love. 

The only person knew about my feelings towards him was his older sister.She's older than me by 2 years. she used to go both ways. encourage me to love him when I feel happy or tells to leave his sorry ass and forget him when I start facing reality. he went to mixed school, as in a school that has boys and girls in the same class from grade 7.so he is now in grade 10 and I'm in 11 . well to be accurate he's now 11 and im12.because I have the advantage of my birthday is the beginning of the year and his in the end of the same year.so he has more experience with girls. well, apparently it's a shitty experience looking at the way he treated me. H e had a facebook account way before I started using it due to parental issues. when I had one, I sent him a friend request. he accepted it. now little naive me is a sappy bitch and used to like his pictures. cringe as much as you want because you can't cringe as much as I'm cringing right now.

then after 2 months, I started using Facebook properly, not like a desperate bitch. I unliked all the pictures that I once liked. now from that moment on, I stopped liking commenting or sharing his posts. although I never commented nor shared any of his posts. whenever a post of his showed up I observe it and move on. This one time he commented on something and his comment was really funny.so the desperate bitch in me liked the comment. now I didn't stalk his account to see his comment. the posts come as follows

@#%&$ commented on this: 

(post shows here)

(comment followed by)

That's how the post popped on my page. I swear I'm innocent. one day, I was talking to his sister and I screenshotted the Messenger name list, and he was one of them. and I told her to guess who I want to block desperately but my heart is not providing the courage needed to do this savage move? she told me this, the bastard blocked me already. she was like, jolly he already blocked you, and I freaked out and started tearing up. I know I'm a desperate bitch.

Anyways so she told it has a back story. he came to her once he saw the notification of me liking his comment and asked her if he can block me and she said why and no don't block her, but the son of a butternut squash blocked me anyway and then he asked her if he can unblock me and she said no again. I asked her, why? she said your dignity is going to be practically none- existence if he unblocks you. it's as if he spat at my face and then grabbed a tissue and said here, let me wipe this away from your face. so yah, I lost contact completely since because I blocked his facebook account and deleted his no.  

 To me, it was a good move so I don't go back to my desperate bitch ways. the first summer that I had to see his ugly ass face after the blocking scene was last summer. and let me tell you, I have never met a guy who doesn't give this much shit. the bastard just fucking pretended I don't exist. thinking he has the right to walk like a proud peacock but in reality, he should be the one regretting his life, guess I'm not that worthy to him. sometimes I wonder, what would happen if I die ? will he shed a tear? will he remember the times he made me cry and regret them? will he regret not knowing me as a person? I never asked for more. even if we were friends I wouldn't have minded that at all, not a bit, but I guess some people just don't deserve that much of my time, that's why this whole chapter is about the story of me falling in love with a piece of shit found on the streets. that just proves how my heart sees things that are nothing like the reality.

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part 2 comes out soon, thanks for the people who waited and followed me ,and dont forget to vote and comment , it would make my day.