Only Mine

Pain

Waiting at the end of my road, I tightened the long cardigan around my frame. Underneath I had only black lingerie, complete with garters and tights. I'm hoping Finn appreciates how much effort I've gone through.

I started pacing up and down, it's fucking hot under here. I got here at exactly 7:30pm and it's now 7:43pm. I stop pacing and revert to tapping my foot against the concrete floor. Pulling my phone out of my hand bag, I check it to see if anything had come through from him.

Nothing.

I give him the benefit of the doubt and wait another 20 minutes, checking my phone every 10 seconds.

Still nothing. No one.

Is he for real?

I start to storm off and attempt to ring him at the same time.

'Your call cannot be taken-'

"Fuck!"

I shout, hanging up my phone and shoving it back in my bag. I continue to heavily step my way back to my house, almost in tears again.

What can he be doing that's so important?!

Or who could he be doing?!

My mind begins to race with ideas and scenarios and just grow more upset and angry. I hate feeling this way because I become reckless and that becomes dangerous.

Last year, after I found out about Jake cheating on me - multiple times - and after my Dad left and not seeing him for a long time, stuff got to me and I ended up overdosing on ecstasy and alcohol. It's not something I talk about because I did some bad shit which is why I'm scared to be alone half the time.

Wiping a few tears away I throw my bag against the wall as I walk into my house. I grab a t shirt from my room that only covers my chest and stomach and run downstairs to the bar in our kitchen, heading straight for the alcohol.

No one was home still so I pulled out a vodka bottle with 3/4 left in it and take a big gulp.

It burnt slightly as it hit the back of my throats but I don't care. I take another shot and turn the music channel onto maximum volume.

'Time' by Chase and Status blasts out and it was one of those times where it's so relevant to your own life that you just sing your heart out.

'But if you can't find the time,
Then cut me loose!.."

I screamed my lungs out, standing on the sofa and using the bottle of vodka as a microphone.

'Cos I don't have the time
And I don't have the patience,
What do you take for for,
Why am I still waiting
Cos all you desire,
I'm fucking suffocating,
But if you don't have the time
My bleeding heart won't make it.'

I gulp down another load of the substance and dance around. The music is too loud for me to hear the front door click open.

'I'll be right here,
If you can find the time
Just be sincere,
If you can find the time,
I'll wait for you,
But if you can't find the time,
Then cut me looooooose-''

I jump of the sofa and turn around, coming face to face with a tipsy Antonio. At first I was awkward but then the look in his eyes told me he wanted to join in, so I bring the bottle to my lips and drank some more before offering it to him silently.