Shipwrecked

10-Brooklyn

I have been waiting at the shore for what seems like hours when Noa and Ryann finally paddle over to the little dock we set up near the ocean.
They tie up our boat and hop out giggling as they chat.
Noa has a banana hanging out of her mouth and Ryann is going on and on about how sweet that dolphin was, and how she had no idea how beautiful the ocean really was.
I sigh and place a hand on my bare stomach leaning back onto my pile of gear and junk I brought up from our ship.
Yea, the dolphin was great. He kept you guys out there for hours. So sweet of him...I want to shout at Ryann.
"Yea, I found so much cool stuff." Noa says tossing her banana peel into the sand.
"Like, what?" Ryann asks.
I close my eyes and try to block out the sound of their voices as Noa goes on, tearing the boat apart to point out all of the stuff she salvaged from the ship.
I listen to the sound of the waves allowing them to lap at my dry ankles.
"That was fun, right Brooklyn?" Noa asks and I am forced to open my eyes and associate with them.
I glare at the sun, squinting as it fires back a bright, dirty look at me.
I glance up at them both, standing over me. Noa's hair is wavier than usual from the saltwater and it blows a little in the sea breeze. She looks confident as she places her hand on her hip.
The setting sun shines on one half of Ryann's face casting a shadow on the other side. She looks a little nervous. Like she fears I may snap at any moment.
I wonder if I normally look as skittish and fearful of her like she does of me right now. I could get used to being the one Ryann is scared of.
I get to my feet, adjusting my bikini. "Here, I got your necklace." I say, tossing it at Ryann.
She runs her fingers over it, admiring it.
"Thanks," she mutters after a while.
I bend down to start gathering my stuff.
"Yea, sure, it was no problem at all. Fucking thing took me way too long to find." I mutter.
"You know what Brooklyn, I'm trying to be grateful here but you're making it real though." she spits back.
There's the old Ry back, joy to the world.
I sigh, "Let's just go, before the sun goes down."
I bend down to tie my ankle boots and watch as their bare feet move back towards the boat and they gather their own belongings.
When we reach our hut the sun has almost set and the night is getting chilly. I throw my gear into storage crate and hang my wet suit on our porch railing. Noa and Ry follow and I shiver pulling on my sweatshirt.
"Burr, it's getting cold out here." Ry says.
Noa agrees and they both shiver as they hug each other jumping up and down.
"I'll go start a fire." Noa says and heads towards our fire pit, pulling on her baggy long sleeved shirt.
Ryann calls after her, "Okay, I'm gonna change, I'll be there to help in a second.
She turns to me, "Brooklyn, you wanna..." but of course I am already inside changing.
She steps inside and looks at me.
"Brooklyn," she begins.
"Could you stop staring at me?" I say covering myself self-consciously.
She sighs and walks over to her bunk bed pulling the drawer underneath of it out and sifting through it to find something to wear.
"Are you sure you don't wanna sit out there with us?" she asks.
"Are you kidding me?" I ask, my eyes widening, "Are you being serious right now?"
She turns around and glares at me, "You know, I cannot win with you. If I didn't ask you'd mope because we excluded you, and when I do you tell me off like I am some sort of idiot."
I ignore her and climb into bed, covering my head with my blanket.
I secretly watch through a hole in my blanket as she pulls on a long sleeved, thermal shirt in an army green color.
She puts on some sweat pants and turns around to face me, exasperated, "You're welcome to join us if you'd like."
I turn over and face the wall, "No thank you"
"Well, goodnight then, and thanks again for getting my necklace."
When I don't say anything she turns to leave.
"Make sure you put the fire completely out before bed!" I call after her.
She turns and looks back at me, "I promise."
I sigh and sit up, looking out the window at Noa starting the fire. Ryann walks up behind her and shoves her, almost knocking her into the budding flames in front of her. Noa just laughs and chases her around.
I watch them for the longest time, unable to fall asleep. They laugh and sing and drink Noa's homemade wine with the fire burning in front of them, their sweet smiles gleaming brighter in the firelight.
They are drunk and happy and having fun and I honestly wish that I could join them in their enjoying evening. I wish I was courageous enough to.
But instead I close my eyes; the last image in my head before sleep hits me is the orange flames lapping at the air only inches away from my two best friends.

***

I wake up screaming, my wet hair sticking to my forehead. I jump up feeling like my muscles are on fire.
My skin itches and my fingers crawl over it.
Ryann jumps down from her bed and grabs me from behind forcing me outside as not to wake Noa.
She drags me all the way across the field and sets me down in the grass covering my screaming mouth with her hands.
"Shhhhh, shhhh." she demands.
I bite her hand and she yelps a little. I can see in her eyes that he wants to slap me silly, but she tries desperately to keep her cool for my sake.
I scream and scream, crying so hard my vision becomes blurred. All that I can think about is the fire creeping up my pants leg, my father picking me up and running with me outside, me still half asleep in his arms. I remember what he said to me.
"Brooklyn you need to wait here, sweetheart. I need to go get your mommy. Just stay right here, keep your feet planted like they are surrounded by vines. Can you do that for me? Can you promise me that buttercup?"
He had his large, rough hands on my shoulders and his emerald eyes glowed in the light of the fire.
I just stared at him, muddled.
He took my silence as a yes and ran for the house. I heard my mother screaming through the flames.
A terrible thought came to my head. What about my cat, Pikka. She was still inside.
I ran to the door that was wide open and dove into the flames.
"Pikka," I screamed at the top of my lungs. Tears were forming in my eyes as I saw the previously white cat, fur burned to the follicles, black ash covering her red, welted skin. She lay limp as a rag-doll and let out a weak and screechy mew.
I looked to my left and saw a huge flame leaping over me. "Daddy!" I cried as he pushed me back out of the door following with Mom in his arms.
"Pikka," I sobbed, "Daddy save her!"
I don't know what made my father decide to go back into the death trap of that sweltering inferno. It must have been the look in my gloomy eyes, or the fact that Pikka was pretty much my only friend. All I know is my father ran for that cat.
It was the last I saw of him before Pikka was crawling through the front door. The firemen were searching through the house for dad after they put out the fire. The neighbor was holding my mother back so she didn't run into the house of ruins with her feet bare. Another man was trying explain to me what happened. The neighbor's son starred at me like I was crazy when I realized my daddy was dead and started sobbing.
"Daddy," I scream, "Daddy!"
Ryann grabs my arm the way the fireman did that night, a comforting, but stern grip, the kind that gives me a massive sense of safety.
She wraps her arms around me, "Shhh, B, shhhhh. You're alright. You're okay. It was all a dream. It wasn't real."
She rocks me back and forth. "You're okay." she repeats. "You're fine."
She keeps drilling that into my head until I calm down and realize that she isn't lying.
I grab a fistful of my hair in my hand and rock back and forth shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I repeat.
She shakes her head, "You're okay Brooklyn."
"I'm sorry." I say again, and I am about to yank a clump of my hair out of my head, but she grabs my hands and pulls them along with me into a hug to stop me from hurting myself.
"Brooklyn, why don't we take you inside?" she asks and gets me to my feet, taking me back into the hut.
She tucks me back into bed and sits there with me. I sigh knowing that I might never fully repay her for all the nights she has done this for me.
I can pretend that these nights don't make up for all of the nights that she yells at me, telling me to keep it down, but on the inside I know that these nights are much harder for her than those.