chapter four
withering
April 12, 1976
Severus had been awake for hours. He didn’t understand what had happened. He had not seen his mystery girl in months. He still didn’t even know her name. His dreams were as disappointing as her absence. He would no longer have the dream every night and when he did the masks were never removed, her face once again hidden from his longing eyes.
The only thing he still had to remind himself that she did, indeed, exist was the Amortentia he kept around his neck. The presence of her scent, her unique aroma, kept the memories from slipping to the realm of his dreams.
The first night after she disappeared, he had attempted to pry the mask from her face. It would not come off, at all. The people dancing around him did not stop, even she did not react to his pleas to reveal herself, spinning and turning endlessly in a tormenting dance.
His real world had not been kind either. It hadn’t been much worse than usual really, but with the loss of his “guardian angel”, as he had come to think of her, it seemed more unbearable.
His conversations with Lily became shorter and shorter and less frequent. At the same time his altercations with James Potter happened more and more. James consistently picked and prodded him about an endless list of things: his poor background, his shabby clothing, his greasy hair, his antisocial behavior, the list went on and on. With everything else in his life going wrong, the constant insults began to wear down his resolve. One in particular stuck in his mind like a barb.
James had said he should join the dark wizard who was currently amassing followers as he had nowhere to belong. The suggestion had begun to sound like a good plan. He was obviously not wanted there.
Severus had extensive knowledge of the Dark Arts and could offer much in support. Maybe then he would be important to someone.
As these treacherous thoughts entered his mind, he was walking calmly to his Potions class. An almost undetectable smile raised the corners of his lips as he thought of how satisfying it would be to hold a wand at Potter’s throat and watch him beg for mercy. Perhaps through this new “Dark Lord” he could have revenge on his enemies. The idea was sounding better and better.
Over the next few weeks, Severus worked harder than ever perfecting his skills: learning new courses, techniques, and potions. He found an aptitude for occlumens and legimens, the ability to invade another’s mind and shield your own. He created new spells that were more malicious in intent than others he had made. His newest spell, Sectum Sempra, repeatedly shredded the target until they were covered in their own blood. He hadn’t tested it yet though. He couldn’t bring himself to try.
Severus began to disregard his mystery girl as the product of a young overworked imagination. Still he found he could not part with the phial of potion. Day after day, spell after spell, the chain remained around his neck.
During one of his rare visits with Lily, she glimpsed the chain and asked him about it. He grew annoyed and became angry that she should see the weakness he kept so well hidden from everyone else.
He refused to answer her, saying it was nothing. Lily realized something about her question had obviously upset him and she quickly switched topics.
His obvious interest in the Dark Arts unsettled her. Each time she mentioned her misgivings about his new hobbies, a dark shadow passed over his eyes. The intensity that shone from them frightened her. Her best friend had become cold, unfeeling.
The worst part was that it seemed there was nothing she could do.
