I'd Live For You, If Only I Could (Completed)

Nineteen

I can't believe I haven't updated since May

Sorry it's a short update, but longer and more important chapters are coming soon, promise ;)

Dr. Jayne brings me into a meeting after helping me put on real clothes, versus a hospital gown, for the first time in what feels like eternity.

"So," she starts on the way there. I know her tone; she wants me to do something. "Your mom said you might want to go to Venice with Scott. Is that true?"

"Maybe. I don't know." I mumble, staring at my feet and trying hard to focus on the pattern of the floor so my balance doesn't get thrown off. She tightens her hand around my arm to help steady me and steers me into the elevator.

"That's what this meeting is about. It's with all your doctors and everyone who needs to help make this decision with you, granted you decide that you do want to do it at all."

"Um...this might be a stupid question, but can we call Scott and have him come? Even if he just sits there, I want him to be here with me while I'm thinking about it." She nods once, shortly, and hands me my phone, which she was carrying for me until we got to the meeting room. I call Scott and explain the situation, that I'm about to go into a meeting, and he agrees to get there as quickly as he can. I am suddenly very grateful that it is the weekend; no one is in school, including Scott. The meeting is delayed twenty minutes, seeing as I refuse to go inside the room until Scott can be by my side, but the second he is next to me, I let Dr. Jayne take me in and sit me in my spot. All the doctors gathered around, a few unfamiliar but mostly ones I see on a daily basis, look up at the same time when we open the door and I feel like a spotlight is following me when I sink into my chair. Dr. Jayne makes the doctor next to me, Dr. Alexandria, move so Scott can sit beside me instead. He holds my hand tightly, holding on for dear life as Dr. Jayne sits at the head of the table, across from my mom, who is seated at the opposite end, and starts the meeting.

****

The meeting goes for nearly two hours, draining all my energy for the day, not that there was much to begin with. I can barely even stand up from my chair by the time we have to leave, which I know doesn't help my case for going to Venice. With Scott holding nearly all my weight, I walk to the wheelchair Dr. Jayne brought in to take me back to my room.

"Mitch, would you like to discuss this with Scott privately?" she asks once I am sitting on my bed.

"Yes, please." She nods once and leaves, shutting the door, which Scott leans against, staring at me.

"Did they say you're going to start Chemo again?" he asks, voice barely above a whisper.

"They think it might help, and I want to get better. Gonna feel like hell, though. Not something someone should have to go through more than once in a lifetime." He licks his lips nervously, watching me like I'm a ticking bomb. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I know you want to go to Venice, but once you start Chemo again, it's going to be even harder for you to function normally in an environment meant for people going through stuff like that, let alone on a plane and in another country. There's no guarantee that it will even work, and you know that. I don't think it's a good idea for either of us to go. You shouldn't go, and I'm not going without you."

"I...I agree. I'm not gonna fight you on this; I'm too tired to think about it and my head hurts and I just want to sleep. I start Chemo next week. Maybe, if it somehow works, we can talk about Venice after that. I feel stupid for even thinking I could go in the first place." He finally comes to my side and sits next to me, looking at me the way he used to before I got sicker. He watches me still, but this time with a small smile and admiration in his eyes instead of fear. I lean against him, head on his shoulder, and shut my eyes to alleviate the headache, or try, at least. Scott lays me down sideways on the bed, pulling the covers over me. I don't even have the energy to open my eyes when he kisses my temple and leaves before I fall asleep.

****