I'd Live For You, If Only I Could (Completed)

Thirteen

I vaguely hear the front door open about ten minutes after getting off the phone with Scott. At this point, my cheeks are stiff with dried tears and hiccups are still forcing their way out of my mouth, despite my lungs screaming at them to stop. I am laying on the floor, buried beneath a heap of blankets with the lights turned out and the curtains drawn, only wanting to be alone.

"Mitch?" The voice is muffled, but definitely Scott's. I keep quiet, hoping that he doesn't open my bedroom door. When the hinges creak, I stop moving altogether, barely even daring to breathe. "Are you under there?" Unable to bear the worry in his voice, I peek out from under the heap, unintentionally gasping for fresh air.

"Yeah. I'm here."

"What was that? On the phone, what were you even talking about? I could barely understand you." He sits next to me on the floor and moves to hold my hand, but I pull it away before he can, shaking my head.

"Why did you come here?" I ask, my voice still scratchy from crying so hard and my lungs still begging for the air they can't get.

"I was worried about you." he says matter-of-factly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Don't be. Just go away."

"You know perfectly well I'm not going to that!" He stands back up, exasperated, and I scoff, rolling my eyes as I say, "Why the hell not?"

"Because I don't want something to happen to you while no one's here. Because I care about you. Because I love you. Which answer do you want?"

"Kiss me." I say in response. He drops to his knees and pulls me against his chest, holding me tight instead. "Please."

"No. I just want to hold you."

"Scott-"

"Shh. Please. Just let me hold you." My heart jolts when I realize that he is crying.

"What's wrong, baby?" His arms tighten around me and his cries become more prominent. "Scott, what's wrong? Please answer me."

"I love you." he wails, burying his soaked face in my neck.

"Oh, honey."

"I can't stop thinking about the fact that...that in a few months I might not get to hold you any more."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? You said it yourself. You said you're getting sicker, and I know you're right." I swallow hard, squinting my eyes shut and trying to focus on his heartbeat instead of his words. "I know that I love you and I know that I want to keep you in my arms forever and I want to keep you safe and be able to love you endlessly without consequence. Is that too much to ask for?" At this point he is screaming.

"Scott, please calm do-"

"What do I have to do to keep you like this?!" He lets go of me abruptly and collapses forward, elbows crashing down onto his knees and shoulders quaking with sobs. Unsure of what to do, I watch him silently, waiting until he is calm enough to try to speak again.

"Listen to me. Dwelling on the future does no good. Trust me, I know. Focus on what's happening now, not what will happen in a few months or a few weeks or even a few days. Just think about now." He leans forward to kiss me, but I stop him. "I need you to think about that, okay?"

"Let me kiss you." Desperation fills his voice. He tries again, but I turn, shaking my head.

"Do you hear what I'm saying?"

"Yes, that's why I'm trying to kiss you. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I still have you by proving that I love you. Please, Mitch, let me kiss you."