London

32 - "Fuck, Lex, open your eyes."

"You hope she's okay? You fucking bitch, you don't care about her!" I yell trying to hurt her wherever I can but I'm too drunk to hit her and she's prepared, stepping away from me.

"I don't. You're right about that. But there's such a thing as a girl code. She suffered enough by your hands, as did I. I'm done with it Harry. I'm with Joseph now and I want to move on, as should you two."

"Fuck you," I spit, trying to push past her and only merely succeeding. 

It's almost as if all the alcohol I drank tonight is flowing through my system right now. Making me feel like I just entered a sinking, swaying ship and I'm about to drown. I almost fall against the door and I'm lucky that it has to be pushed open so I'm able to fall down on the ground by the feet of Alex. My heart stops when I look up to find her sitting on the floor, her head hanging low, blood dripping over her arms. 

"Alex, baby?" I whisper, but she doesn't respond. "Fuck, Lex, open your eyes."

My hands search her body but she barely reacts to me, her eyes rolling in her skull. Flashes of the time when we were held hostage in the storage room appear in front of my eyes. How I had to fight to keep my eyes open and focus on Alex. Stay awake to save her. I failed then, but I won't fail now. Adrenaline kicks in, my heartbeat so fast that it pushes all the alcohol out of my system so quick that I'm instantly sober. 

"Alex," I ask again, my training from lifeguarding kicking in making me act more calmly, but I still reach for her with shaking hands. 

Her eyes can't focus and it looks as if she's trying to fight something. Behind her head on the tiles is blood and with my hand I feel a graze there. Did she do this herself? There's no one else in the bathroom and she did just hear what an awful thing I kept from her. I saw the panic in her eyes and I know that she's afraid of it. Afraid something worse will happen to her. It did now.

She doesn't respond to me any more and her pulse is too fast under my fingers. There's nothing else to do. I can't save her so I call an ambulance and have to walk away. My lips brush past her cheek as I get up and open the door to the bathroom where a little audience has gathered. Susie sure as hell knows how to spread the fire as I find her, Joseph, Nina and Liam. All of them either concerned or angry.

"Liam, please come, she's not well," I tell him and then I push my phone against my ear again, answering the telephonist questions as I check on Alex again. 

Liam is of course a nurse, so I let him do all the rest as I simply watch Alex with Nina by my side. She only looks at me and asks one question.

"Is it true?"

There's only one thing left to do and that is tell the truth so I nod, feeling every bit of control I had left leave my body and I break down, but there is no one to comfort me which is how it should be. It is my own fault and I don't even know why I did what I did. All I know is that I never intended to hurt Alex the way I did. That's the only certain thing I feel as I watch the paramedics help her, put in an IV and watch them carry her on a gurney. It's also why I don't protest when Liam pushes me out of the way and drives to the hospital with the ambulance.

I simply watch the sirens bounce against the walls of the street until they disappear with the one girl I ever loved. The one girl who did everything to prove to me that I am worthy of loving and the one girl I proved to that I'm not. 

"Why don't we get a cab together?" Nina asks and I will have to thank her in time for being able to stay nice to me when I'm clearly a dick. "Liam said they are taking her to his hospital. We can wait for news there."

"Should I go?"

"Of course you should," Nina says, making the decision final. "Go grab her stuff inside. I'll get a cab."