the only two ⌁ hayes

une

autumn

if there's anything more soul crushing than seeing your ex boyfriend at your best friend's house, it's seeing him with the person he left for you. she probably doesn't want to see me, i know i wouldn't if i were her. he probably doesn't want to see me either, and to be honest, i'm not ready to see him.

before i can silently slip away, my name is being called which would make leaving too obvious. i huff, following the voice and finding myself in the kitchen next to katrina. "hey, bitch! you finally left your house!" she gives me a wide smile.

i giggle nervously, considering i was just about to go back to the apartment that she's talking about. "haha, yeah." i divert my eyes anywhere but hers. i can tell that she notices that something is wrong, but she brushes it off not wanting to ruin her fun with my misery. which is understandable.

to carry on this dead-end conversation, gilinsky approaches both of us and swings his tanned arm around my shoulder. "hello, ladies," he winks in my direction, making katrina smirk. she thinks something is going on between us, so does everyone including gilinsky himself. i'm the only one who knows that he's just a distraction.

"hey jack" i give him a side smile, feeling some of the sadness disappear, only to appear when i'm alone later tonight. he rubs my shoulder affectionately while starting up a conversation with kat. i tune out, paying attention to nothing else in particular.

kat leaves to go hang around with other friends and i'm left alone with my distraction. "you look amazing tonight" he compliments, eyeing me up and down. i hardly blush, not feeling very confident in my outfit. i'm wearing leggings and a sweater seeing as we're only here for a campfire.

"thanks, g" i send a weak grin, staring out the window instead of at him. the darkness makes me uncomfortable for some unknown reason, i guess because that means the fire will start soon and everyone will be close to each other.

"aye guys! the fire's started!" johnson yells through the patio doors. he immediately closes them after so that he doesn't let the cold air out. i squeeze my eyes shut, regretting even coming here. jack leaves my side just to follow the other jack through the sliding glass door.

maybe a glass of water will help calm my nerves. it's not being close to everyone else that scares me, it's being close to hayes. even just saying his name brings back bad memories and makes me upset. i grab a glass out of the highest cupboard and put it under the indent in the fridge, filling it with ice cold water.

when i turn around, my current biggest fear is standing right in front of my eyes. even worse, we're the only two people around. there is no one else near to save me from this awkward situation.

we stare at each other for a long moment before i gulp and make my way out of the kitchen and head outdoors. "i heard you've been hooking up with gilinsky," he tells me, making me stop dead in my tracks.

his voice. that damned voice. the same voice that used to seduce me, that used to calm me down, that used to make me mad. i haven't heard him speak in at least a month and i wish it would've lasted longer. "what does it matter to you?" i retort, trying to sound confident but failing miserably. my tone is all shaky and if anything i sound scared.

"it doesn't" he responds, "i was just clarifying" the fact that he doesn't care could practically smash my heart to pieces but i know that i would say the same thing if i was asked, even though i do care. so i hold out hope that he's lying.

"good," i take a deep breath, attempting to make sure i don't have a full fledged panic attack in front of him. i finally spin sharply on my heels, facing him fully.

"i've just been wondering what happened to the innocent little girl that i used to date... i guess people don't always change for the better," he points out, shrugging like what he just said isn't a big deal even though he kind of just insulted me and it may be reaching... but did he just call me a hoe?

"what is that supposed to mean?" i put a hand on my hip, suddenly feeling all of my fear transition into anger and frustration. my confidence level throughout the conversation has gone from a 0 to a solid 50.

"i'm just saying it took me a couple weeks to be able to kiss you. clearly your self values have lowered" i bite my lip, wanting to scream all types of profanities at his face but i know have to keep this at least somewhat civil.

"that's because you were a cheating bastard, so clearly my self values have increased if i've gotten out of being a side hoe" i spit, all my words coming out faster than i can process them. he glares at me, not really having a comeback. even though i've technically won this argument, i don't feel a sense of pride or victory. i mostly feel shallow because we're at someone else's house and still fighting.

the night emma told me our relationship is toxic should have been a reality check for me but instead i got mad at her for telling me straight up. she was right too, our whole relationship was a vicious cycle of hating, forgiving and loving each other.

we both walk outside, earning concerned and strange looks from everyone surrounding the campfire. i sit next to jack on the swinging chair type thing, getting under the blanket with him.

hayes sits next to alicia, who later became a victoria secret model. if that's not the sound of my self esteem lowering then i don't know what is. jack wraps his toned arm around my lower back, rubbing my torso soothingly. he's a nice kid, he really is.

but he's not hayes.

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A/N: hey y'all first chapter! i'm super excited to start this book and i have some great ideas. i just went back and read plus two and fuckkkk it was so bad ahahaha, i think my writing has really improved and i'm going to try and demonstrate that throughout this book. anyway, thanks for reading. vote & comment!!❤️

word count: 1104
date: july 23rd 2017
time: 2:48 pm