How To Become A Spy

Chapter Nineteen

"Do a backflip."

Coach Mays voice surprised me as I hadn't heard her approach. I knew that she must have seen my previous attempts. I took a few steps back from her and then did as she said. I managed to do a backflip but it came off the same way my handstands had: wonky.

"Again," she said.

I felt anger boil inside me at my last attempt. I turned and looked around me. A few of the gymnasts had now turned their heads to watch me and even Kevin had averted his eyes away from his phone.

I sighed and closed my eyes, taking more steps back. In a quick motion, I jumped but this time felt my back slam against the blue mat. I turned to my side, almost everyone was now watching. My back ached and I was dizzy but I pulled myself up as quick as I could to avoid attracting any more attention.

"Can I speak to you in my office?" Coach May asked me. Her facial expression remained neutral, not giving my any indication on what she was thinking.

I nodded and followed behind her quickly. I looked over at Kevin who had now put his phone on his lap and was watching us.

I entered her office behind her and shut the door. She sat behind her desk and I stood near the wall. Her office was filled with medals and trophies that she had earned when she was a gymnast herself before she became a coach.

"Are you okay?" she asked

I twirled a lock of my hair that had fallen out of my ponytail with my finger. "Yeah," I kept my eyes away from hers and instead stared at some award she had framed and hanging behind her.

She looked at me as if she didn't believe me. "You know that we have a competition in a few weeks?"

I stayed silent.

"and you need to be ready for that," she continued.

"I will be," I assured her.

"I doubt it at this point, what was that?" she raised her voice.

"I've only just got back, I'm going to get better," I argued. I felt my face redden. But not with embarrassment, with anger. I didn't appreciate when she yelled at me when I made mistakes. Whenever I didn't do well with combat training, Eric stayed calm. I pushed the thought of him out of my head again.

"You better, and I want you here for five training sessions instead of three a week."

I widened my eyes. "What? You can't make me-"

"You bet I can unless you want to be kicked off the team." she threatened.

It had been a threat I had heard from her countless times over the past few years. One that often scared me, but not this time. Something was different. I realized suddenly that the idea of me spending more time training at the gym sounded worse as it meant I would have less time working on my undercover case.

Something suddenly clicked in me. The last few weeks and all the training sessions I had gone to. All I could think of was how tired they had made me, and how they had prevented my fro doing over things such as studying and just relaxing.

I had lost my passion for gymnastics.

It had become more of a chore than something I really enjoyed. The pressure and stress it had given me made me sick.

"How about instead of you kicking me off the team, I just quit?" I asked.

I saw her face change dramatically. She hadn't been expecting that.

"You can't expect me to believe that you would just quit gymnastics Becca, you're one of the best."

"Well, apparently I'm not that good if you can just afford to threaten me with kicking me off the team all the time." I retorted, this time raising my voice as well. I felt energy rush through me, along with fear. I had never spoken to my coach like this ever before.

"Is this because of Debby? Did she quitting encourage something inside you? Is she trying to get you to quit as well?" she pressed.

I thought about it for a moment. Debby quitting had triggered something inside me. But it had been so small at the time that I hadn't noticed. It occurred to me that when she suggested that I quit gymnasts that my response had been that I couldn't- not that I didn't want to. I felt like I had been trapped into believing that there was no other option for me but gymnastics. But Debby quitting to join tennis had proven me otherwise. That I did have the option. And it was scary knowing I had that power. The power to make my own decisions. The power to change my life.

"No." I finally answered. "Debby didn't pressure me to quit, she told me it was my decision. But the more I think about it, the more I want to leave."

"Why?" she asked angrily.

"Because I can't think of any reason to stay," I replied as soon as I thought of it.

"You are the best gymnast in this state, you cannot quit." Coach May said firmly. I could see her forehead starting to crinkle.

I almost laughed. "It doesn't matter if I'm good at it, what matters is if I enjoy it and right now, I feel like I don't"

"You had a bad practice day, it happens. You'll do better time." she offered. I could hear the desperation starting to rise in her voice.

I shook my head, sadly. My mind was made up. "There isn't going to be the next time. I'm done." I started to move towards the door.

"Becca, wait! Come back here!" she called after me. I ignored and headed out the door. Everyone had resumed training but looked up at me as Coach yelled out my name again, even louder like she didn't care who heard. I continued walking to the door keeping my eyes away from everyone. I knew Kevin must have been watching me leave, confused.

I pushed open the gym doors as I heard Coach May yell out my name one last time. The doors closing blocked out her yells. I walked further until I stopped at a nearby park bench deciding to wait there until my Mom returned.

And then I let the tears fall.