Don't Count On It

Chapter 13

    "Where's Murdoc at?" I asked Russel.
    "He just took the Geep and headed out. I don't know anything other than that," he shrugged and went back to setting up his new drums. I usually kept my cool but I just couldn't take Murdoc's ever changing attitude. I began to cry and smashed the framed photo of Murdoc and I from when the band first started.
   "Why does he have to hurt me?!" I screamed.
    "Hey lil man, it'll be alright. I know Murdoc can be an asshole," Russel said as he pulled me into a very tight bearhug. I nearly suffocated.
    "Thanks. I'll leave alone, Russ. I'm gonna head back upstairs," I said quietly and walked away. I went to my room. I hadn't spent a night in there for a while. I always slept with Murdoc. I put my headphones in and played Fire and Ice by Pat Benatar. The lyrics were exactly how Murdoc was. He was so fucking great one minute and then...just awful. Then Desire by Liz Gillies. I was feeling like Murdoc didn't even want me. Maybe he just didn't want to be lonely.
    I had a plan. I was going to wait until midnight. If he didn't show up by then, I'm leaving. Not leaving the house. Not the town. The world. I just couldn't handle anymore of his shit. I love him but maybe he doesn't feel the same.

                             💔💔💔

    11:59. One more minute until everything either ends or stays okay. This was Murdoc's last chance. Midnight struck and I knew what I had to do. I put on some old clothes, cleaned up my room a little and grabbed a picture of Murdoc.
    I downed a whole bottle of pain killers, hoping they would kick in soon. I laid in my bed. The one I used to share with Murdoc. My breathing got heavy. I was nervous but I had to do this. I couldn't keep getting hurt. Murdoc was the first man I'd ever had sex with. I feel used. I feel just...disgusting. I should've not been so dumb. I should've had sex with someone who cared about me. Whatever.
     It's all done now. Well, except for one last thing. I felt the life leave my body. As I faded in and out of consciousness, I heard noises. Like voices. Maybe it was just hallucinations from all the opioids.
    I didn't know. In the moment, I really didn't care. I looked down at the picture of Murdoc one last time. Goodbye, my love. I let go of my life.