Midnight Flock

Chapter 10: Date with Gabriel

Luke followed me out onto the balcony, shutting the french doors behind him. I faced out, away from the building toward the park and the ocean beyond. I really loved this view. It's partly what sold me on the purchase of the building and my particular unit. He came up quietly behind me. I could feel the tension vibrating off of him even though we weren't touching. I let out a slow breath, trying to get my anger under control. It wouldn't do either of us any good if I let it take hold. I waited for him. I didn't think there was anything I needed to say in particular at the moment.

"Is there still a chance for us, or have you washed your hands of us?" That wasn't what I was expecting, but I heard the biting tone and I wondered if he was coming out with guns drawn because of Nathan. I turned, to face him finally. He needed to see my eyes and know I was being honest with him.

"I love you, Luke. I will probably always love you. I love your brothers too. Still. That hasn't changed. But the trust this family had, that we'd developed over the last several years, that's been destroyed. You and your brothers took it upon yourselves to make a decision about my life without consulting me. If you had come and talked to me about your concerns, had a real conversation about what was worrying you, we could have been in a completely different place right now. But instead, none of you trusted me to be able to make the best decision for myself and my family." I raised my hand to cup the side of his face. He leaned into it, closing his eyes, soaking up the intimacy of the gesture. "The love is why I'm here, now, with you talking to you. If I didn't love you, or your brothers, I wouldn't have come back. You hurt my feelings, Luke. All of you did. All I could think about was 'Am I not good enough?' or 'Am I unable to keep up with them?' I just couldn't understand why you would do this if those weren't factors. I'm always so afraid you will all realize how unworthy I am." The tears came once again, but they were cleansing tears. I felt a little of that pressure on my soul lifting with my confession to him.

"I'll love you forever and always, Sang. I didn't realize you would see our actions this way. There is no way you could not be good enough. You're too good. It scared us. We were afraid we'd be left behind if you branched out and started working with other teams, started taking on tougher assignments." He brushed the tears away with the pad of his thumb, gently swiping at my cheek. "We wanted more time with you, to make sure you wouldn't leave us. This was our own insecurities, it had nothing to do with how we viewed your progress with us. You were gaining ground so quickly, we were afraid you would eclipse us and we would no longer be good enough for you. You would start to realize there are bigger and better things than us out there. At least, that's how I felt. I was afraid you were outgrowing me." His confession stunned me a little. I never once even considered that their actions were because of their fears about us. That maybe they weren't feeling secure enough in our relationship. Maybe these actions were the result of a deeper underlying issue. Perhaps the trust building activities were needed more than we thought, even before this all came to light. I pulled him into a tight hug. I didn't miss that he didn't actually apologize, so I wasn't ready to forgive him just yet. Regardless of their motives, their actions were still wrong. I firmly believed at this point that the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

"If we work on this, we can overcome it. We can get through anything, if we stick together. I'm not giving up, so you better not either." I whispered into his ear as he clung to me.

When Luke pulled away, there was renewed determination in his eyes. He kissed my cheek and left me out on the balcony to ponder what I was going to do about them. All too quickly, my phone dinged to remind me I needed to get ready for my date with Gabriel. I was melancholy as I showered, stuck in my head, hearing Luke's words run laps through my brain. I tried to push it all to the side, to return to after my date so as not to ruin tonight, however it had other thoughts. I just couldn't shake it.