London

4 - "You're so sweet."

Harry: cancel my appointments until three. 
I'm staying with my out of control GIRLFRIEND.

Her calls for me echo in my ear, the way she yelled my name the moment I left her side last night, so instead of being a good employee, I move myself next to her and hold her close hoping she feels how much I love her despite everything I put her through.

****

Alex

Light travels into our room that feels heated and cosy. As I slowly open my eyes I almost forget what happened last night, but then I feel the fabric of my dress cling to my body. I've sweat so much this night, maybe I'm getting sick or maybe it is the stress still leaving my body.

The alarm clock tells me it is eleven in the morning which must mean that Harry has already left for work. I turn around and expect the bed to be empty, but Harry's there, staring at me. The stress immediately enters my body again.

"Did he fire you?" I ask quickly.

"No," he laughs scooting closer to caress my arm.

"They why aren't you at work?"

"Because I think both you and Pascal have to realize what my priorities are. You are more important than work," he says and I'm not sure what I did to deserve this.

"I'm very important then." As I say it, I realize it too. Harry's work has become his life, but he's here. He must have cancelled appointments, angered Pascal, but he choose to stay.

"You are."

"So you're not fired? You didn't blow your chances?"

"No. He did send me this text," he tells me reaching for his phone.

"Is Pascal angry with me?" I wonder but instead of answering he lets me read the text message. "Oh, I messed up."

"He was more dramatic than you, babe. If he hadn't kicked you out no one would have bothered. And I could tell you had no power left to do anything else."

"It's funny how we blame each other. I wish he'd never met you. And I want you to be happy at your job just not the way it happened."

"I know." I don't know what else to say so I keep quiet and try to look him in the eyes, but find it hard because of my guilt. "Why did you react so strong?"

"I'm not like you. I can't have you work with her like you did with Thomas or watch you disappear to the back like with Zayn. I can't even think about you with someone else after me."

"I couldn't either," he says with a frown.

"You can sure hide it well then."

"I don't have panic attacks, no, and I thought you hadn't either. I thought you would be over them by now."

"You don't just get over them." I shift in the bed feeling like I'm disappointing him all over again. "I'm afraid I'll never lose them," I add quietly.

"Why?"

"Because what I went through is traumatic. I lost my father and mother. I lost you and I lost myself with you. I try Harry, but sometimes I can't handle it. I'm so sorry." I burst out in tears again and let him hold me close as I wet his shoulder.

"Don't apologize," he whispers. "I know it is hard for you. I wish I could help you and explain."

I know he wants to tell me about this Susie and help me understand the situation, but I can't deal with it now. It is too fresh and I'm afraid it will never be easy to think about how he moved on from me. It's unfair because I had a relationship and was in love with someone else for over a year, but it doesn't change how I feel about it all. It still makes it hard to see a girl so beautiful knowing she spend time with him that I should have been spending with him.