Drugged Hearts

f i f t e e n » tryston

     Someday, you might wake up with a big smile on your face. You'll have your day planned, you dreams set, your bags packed; everything will be the way you want it to be. You'll wake up next to the girl you call yours, the girl that makes you smile and cry, the girl whose love might seem the best thing to have. You'll get into the car, start the engine, and start your journey. When you woke up, you opened the book. As you started achieving, you started writing your own history. Your girl will look over at you. She'll be thinking of how lucky she is to have you. How lucky she is to be a part of your history, a part of your day's journey. It’s crazy how you might be thinking the same thing. What you both don't know is that no one's luckier than the car that was able to be in both of your histories, a part of both your journals, and the one to witness a love nothing can burn out.

     Someday, you might wake up with a tear running down your cheek. Your bed seems to be cold, your room's walls seem to be closing up on you, and your world seems to be crashing down on you. You look around to notice that you're all alone. You'll get into the car and start the engine, driving aimlessly, just hoping to forget the pain. It seems that everywhere you go, you find people smiling and laughing. You find people who aren't experiencing what you are; you find people who are loved. You'll stop the car to cry, but no matter how hard you try to scream, it comes out muffled. You’re stuck, and want to find your way out. You want to find your way to the happiness you once had. You want to know how in the world did the rug get pulled under your feet so quick.

     Someday, you might wake up with guilt eating you alive. You'll look at the broken frames on the ground; the torn pictures that held memories you might never experience again, the phone you threw across the room, and the holes your punches left in the walls. You realize how messed up you were to let this happen; you blame it all on yourself. No matter how many steps you take forward, the amount of steps you take backwards is always the ascending one. You realize how far you let this go and how no matter what you do; you'll never be able to fix the broken glass you left behind; not when pieces are missing. You give up. You give up on life, on the people who thought you'd stand right back up after the hit, on the only person who's just waiting for you to fix things, on love; on yourself. 

     Someday, you might wake up frightened. A nightmare you never wanted to become reality made its way to your head while you were asleep, taking its chance to drown you in your pool of fears. You check your phone to notice how you've got no new messages or missed calls for the third day in a row. You call the number your fingers dial without hesitation, but all you get is the voice mail answering. You furrow your eyebrows and go down to the living room, noticing how dark and lonely the house has become. You frown, your fear getting the best of you as everything looks familiar. You turn on the TV and scroll through the channels to find some peace, but every channel played the exact same thing, said the same exact news, let out the same amount of sighs. You try to run away from the obvious truth and turn off the TV, but no matter how hard it is, it's still reality; your nightmare has come to life.

     Someday, you might wake up exhausted. Exhausted and it might seem so hard to continue living the way you are at that moment. You lay in bed, finding no interest in moving out of it. What's the point, anyways? But you still search your mind for that one day that you woke up happy, and it hurts you to know that it took you a while to find that memory that you stacked far in the back of your head a long time ago. It's what's lurking in your mind that keeps you alive, but also what kills you every step you take. Every breath you exhale. Every blink you make. You wanna finish it all; you wanna finish your suffering, but you prefer to keep torturing in hope of something good soon happening. No matter how far it seems, no matter how exhausted you might get, no matter how painfully life is stabbing you; you'll always have that hope until you don't need it anymore and everything turns back to the peaceful state it once was in.