Perfect Teeth by Sylvia Wrath

a sea of text.

On a scale of 1-10 how mad at me would you be if I told you that I might've listened to some of your album when it leaked last night?

I am not even a little surprised.

I have no self control man you should know this BUT from the bits I listened to before your management got their shit on lock and took it all down, it was v v v good!!!!

thanks, I think? To be honest I found it all a little funny but management was in a rage. The entire plane ride over was one long meeting about damage control but there's not really much to do now.

Yeah not really. Like the majority of the internet has illegally downloaded it already, but they're gonna buy it anyway bc they're super dedicated.

Just kind of ruins a bit of the excitement for 1D Day.

Leaks suck, but there's not much you can do about it. Except maybe like an adult diaper???

(in my head I just ba dum dum tss'd my own joke I am great)

also Side eye the camera and be really snarky that'll show it to 'em.

Thanks for the advice.

You okay???

Yeah, just a little tired. Lots of meetings.

Go find a softish surface and take a nap.

Sounds like a plan.

:) ttyl

wait no where are you going?

...to let you sleep?

No soft surface found yet don't go.

---

ok ok so there are towels with your face on it but it's Harry circa 2010 and ur face is really stretched out and your hair is quite large and it's kinda freaking me out.

You bought it didn't you?

I might've so I could burn it. Maybe. And feel more connected to ~fetus Harry.

'fetus' Harry? there are pictures of me in the womb on blankets? What???

No god keep up with the time fetus you is you when you look like a child pls spend more time on Urban Dictionary so you can keep up with your fans

I think the name 'fetus Harry' makes me uncomfortable.

No I don't just think.

I know. It makes me uncomfortable.

That's fine.

Thanks for the concern over my well being babe.

Sorry I'm standing in the middle of Boots and staring at all of the 1D merchandise

What would you do if I wrapped everything you own in wrapping paper with your face on it?

Cry.

Also the only thing I own in London right now is my car so go right ahead that should be a fun job.

Not true you have at least two shirts at my house.

I do?? Which ones?

One of your stupidly expensive and stupidly soft white ones and then the family reunion one.

I've been looking for that shirt!

Keep looking ur not getting it back

First you're calling me a fetus, now you're stealing my favorite shirts. I'm hurt.

That's rough life is hard

You know what else is hard?

Penises.
...
...
...
ezra?

I was kidding

daily dick joke

Babe?

???

sorry sorry I was making a milkshake and I made a lil bit of a mess

but I know you were kidding even if it wasn't a very good joke I give you 4/10 for using the opportunity but not to the best of your ability

How did you make a mess making a milkshake all you have to do is put stuff in a blender? And I thought you were in Boots?

Did you forget the lid? That's a vital part.

No it's just

Well

I don't exactly have a blender

But I wanted a milkshake anyway

There was a lot of stirring involved

There was maybe some splatter

Maybe

You have no evidence

And I'm home now duh you took forever to reply

Why don't you have a blender? Milkshakes are like the largest part of your food group.

Idk just never got around to getting one

But it's okay I've been making progress

So far on your Christmas list: cork screw and blender. Noted.

Wrapped in 1D wrapping paper, of course.