It All Began With A Letter

Chapter 20: The Dinner

I stared up at my blank, white ceiling emotionless. Or at least it looked like I didn't have any emotions when honestly, I had too many!

I had sadness because who doesn't feel hurt when the person they like goes and makes out with someone else right before your eyes and doesn't even stop it. I also felt happy though. I actually had fun fighting and yelling. I guess it just helped me relieve some stress. I bet you I'll be relieving a ton more stress on Monday when we get back.

But for some reason I also felt somewhat guilty. I hadn't given him a chance to explain himself. But my feeling of betrayal made me forget that. Then, there was always that feeling that made me cringe as a billion thoughts ran through my mind: worry.

What was I worried about? Definitely not all those people on Monday whispering about it. What I was worried about was whether or not Asher was going to tell anyone about my past life and whatnot.

I always told myself not to worry but I couldn't help it. After all, maybe he was just acting nice. Or maybe, like most of those other girls are, I'm just his flavor of the month.

The thought of being like other girls made my nose wrinkle up in disgust.

Anyways, I obviously hadn't done a good job telling myself not to worry because here I was, still in bed, on Sunday when the incident had happened Wednesday.

Yep, I'd been in bed for a whole 3 days already and I planned on making it 4 days.

Logan and Ashley constantly came to check on me with worried expressions. I just put on a smile and told them I needed time. Mason even came by once. We chatted a little about random stuff which made me happy. I really wasn't in the mood to talk about what had happened.

Asher had tried to come by a few times but Ashley and Logan just shoved him away.

Eliza hadn't visited me with Drew yet and I hadn't bothered either. Eliza already knew how I felt after these things, when all I needed was some space.

All during this time, I just lay in bed either thinking, sleeping, or closing my eyes and resting as music from my iPod filled my ears.

I barely even ate. Instead, I just made one trip a day down to the kitchen when no one was around and grabbed a handful of snacks and drinks. Then I would walk back upstairs, use the bathroom and shower, only to go back and snuggle up in bed as I began my process all over again.

Truth was, no, I wasn't being like all those other girls that just sob over their ex while their friends comfort them and they eat popcorn, watch depressing movies, and are forced by their friends to dress up and go party to show their ex how good they are without them when really all they do in the end is cry.

I wasn't like that one bit.

One, because Logan and Ashley also knew how I needed my space. Two, I certainly wasn't going to be using ten thousand boxes of tissues over some guy that wasn't even related to me. And three, I already know I'm good without him. I don't need to get dressed up and make him regret making out with Brittany. In the end, he's just saving me trouble from being caught in his triangle of love again.

I only stayed in bed because I was extremely tired, had nothing else to do, didn't want to go out, wanted to think, needed space (and lots of it!), and mostly, I had no idea what to do.

When I say I have no idea what to do, I don't mean it as in how to be myself or continue life without him. I can do that. What I mean by I have no idea what to do is well, this: I'm supposed to go to Asher's house tonight for dinner and go to California with them!

I know I can always back out of the California thing now but that'd mean Logan and Ashley wouldn't go and that's just mean more money wasted. Then again, Asher could always take Brittany and another friend and have Brittany bring another Barbie along also.