Look at Me One More Time

Bon Appétit

We didn't have a wedding picture other than the ones we took in the City Hall for their own safekeeping. Didn't have friends with us other than Lin who came all the way from Turin, weeping in between us like she was watching a happy ending of a fairy tale.

We didn't have a proper wedding cake other than the small pan di spagna decorated with whipping cream and cherries. We didn't even get to keep the married couple topper on the cake since it was 'rented' from the restaurant so they took it back after we were done.

All we had were wedding bells from the duomo to signify our marriage.

It was lovely, and I couldn't ask for more.

We spent the remaining cash we had on our wedding bands which we claimed 3 weeks after the wedding.

No news from Ms. Mariati or Elisabetta at all, as if they have disappeared. How strange, I thought. It couldn't be a coincidence.

It would take 3 years for me to stay in Italy and be eligible to renounce my Malaysian citizenship to Italian, learn the language meanwhile, do the tests, remove Islam completely from my persona. After having a lot of thoughts, I decided to let it go and follow Ben back to Portugal.

And by doing this, it means Malaysia will be no longer related to me other than some old memories.

Even when I asked an old, wise woman like my grandma, she told me to "do what I gotta do, and family comes first".

Ben is my family now.

"Hey sweetie," came a hoarse voice from the side of my bed. "Why up so early?"

"Morning, hun," I turned with a smile. "Sorry to wake you up."

Ben got up and stretched. Then, he came to join me looking out through the window as the sun was rising.

"It's springtime," he said. "Have you seen spring before?"

"This is the first time, I'm dying to see it."

I moved to get my clothes but he grabbed ahold of me, not letting go. "Stay."

"Aww, c'mon hun, I can't miss this."

"It's early!" he whined. "Let's cuddle."

"No! It's late for me," I laughed. "I want to take pictures. Look, the petals are already dropping from the trees. I didn't even get to see them budding up."

Ben pouted. "Come back in 5 minutes."

"30 minutes!" I insisted. "I promise. I'll come back with breakfast, okay?"

We gave a quick kiss to each other and I hurried off to the sidewalk of the street, observing the trees along it. Some kind of cherry blossom, I thought, though they were a mixture of white and pink petals.

Something I have never seen back in Malaysia.

I took a deep breath. The air had a hint of mint and cut grass. Some young workers were already on the street, heading to work. While the older ones were just waiting for the bakery to open so they could buy some freshly baked breads. This is a common scene of Milan especially near the area where I was staying. Sometimes students would walk by with their bags to use the free WiFi from the cafes in here.

"Un brioche al cioccolato per portare via," I made my order for Ben's usual chocolate brioche. "Per favore."

I got used with Italian without caring about it being grammatically correct, just like I do with Portuguese. These two languages are somehow similar, and Ben doesn't find it hard to fit in either, even though he can't speak one bit of Italian.

"Bon appétit! You should seriously go down there and get yourself a cappuccino," I told him. "It's just a few steps away."

"Let me be, woman," he grinned while unwrapping the brioche. "I get to see you only on weekends when I'm not working, so let me chill here with you. Want some?"

"No, thanks. On diet. I really want to look good in bikini this summer."

Ben sighed. "Damn you bikinis."

I started recalling last year when we just got to know each other. He was so persistent about girls in bikini showing off some skin to attract guys they could sleep with. While I told him that we wear bikinis because we're confident, whether we like the way we look or not, or whether we fit in them or not.

"There are bikinis made for fat people too," I remembered saying this to him. "Like women, we come in all sizes. Don't be so judgy."

"We can get you a bikini that looks sexy on you," he said, while eating his brioche. "Something that I like too."

I turned with a surprised look. "Oh I thought you were going to patronize me."

Ben laughed. "Do what you want, I don't care anymore. You don't even care if I go to church everyday. If you like bikinis, then I'll give you bikinis. I'll have fun looking at perverts staring at you but can't touch you, and I'll say 'go watch porn' to them. Yup."

I laughed too. "Ok then I'll give you a church. A whole lot of it, including the nuns, convent girls, the Virgin Mary, the Jesus.."

Ben grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him. "You."

"What?" I giggled as he tickled my neck with his lips.

"Nothing, you're just so.." he paused to lick the skin around my ear. "So sweet."

"That's because of the brioche you just ate."

"Lucky you're not at home," he said. "Or else I can't go to work anymore."

"Nobody is stopping you," I giggled more as his fingers ran along my back under my blouse.

"You do," he said. "You're such a distraction."

"I don't go around the house in bikini at least."

"Don't do that," he said. "Or else I will fuck you all day. Five times if I want."

"No!" I pushed him away, playfully. "Let's get ready and go out. I want to show you Milan."

Ben yawned. "I've seen Milan when I was a kid. I don't want to see Milan anymore."

"But I don't want to stay all day in the room like last week," I said.

"So you don't want this too?" he showed the erection he had in his boxer.

I gulped and breathed deeply as I saw that. "Okay, one quickie."