Split Sides

One-Shot

Hayley shakes her head. "I know, I've lived with it for all my 16 years."

"Yeah, who knows what these people eat." An idea flashes in my head. "Speaking of eating, what would you like Hayley?"

"Why? What is there?"

"Well," I open the cooling room and check the contents, "there's some pizzas and chicken and some salads."

"Oh God, I hate salads."

"Okay, there's some lava cakes and more cakes and some fruits over here. Anything you'd like?"

"How about the pizzas?"

"Fine, let's see what we've got." I pull out a stack of frozen pizzas with all kinds of toppings on them. I drop them on the preparation table and let Hayley inspect it.

"How about this?" She pulls out a big platter of cheese pizza.

"Okay, this one then." I take it to the pizza oven and set it gently on the conveyer belt. "How do you turn this on?"

"I'll look for the switch." Hayley looks around the kitchen to find the switch. "By the way, what's that smell?"

I smell it too. That greasy, preservative-laden scent. Smells like it's...

"Fuck, it's the fries!" Hayley shouts, alarmed. "Zack, check on the fries, quick!"

I rush toward the deep fryer and pull out the strings of fries. Damn, it's got a slightly overcooked scent to it. "Um, Hayley, hate to break it to you but it's ruined."

I hear a big buzzing sound nearby, and the pizza oven starts rolling. "Okay, I got this covered," Hayley calls out, "just serve those fries."

I do as she says, serving them on two plates. A small bowl of mustard for me, and a bowl of sour cream for Hayley's. Now, time for the pizza.

"Okay, it's done. It's just the pizza and then we can eat."

I look around. It's strangely eerie. The oven is buzzing and the pizza is at the end, cheese melted and ready to serve.

"Hayley?" I call out. "Are you there?"

Nothing.

"Hello? Where are you?"

Still nothing. I'm starting to get anxious. My hands are getting cold.

"Hayley? The pizza's ready! Come on, don't leave it waiting!"

Total silence, like a rock. Shit, if something happened to her I don't know what I'll do. I hope this doesn't become like that episode where...

I hear some bottles tumbling by the basin. Once I go there and check I find a white apparition facing me. "Boo!"

I collapse to the ground, my heart pumping and trying to run away. "Oh, for fuck's sakes!"

I back myself to the refrigerators, and the white apparition pulls out the covers to reveal Hayley dropping to the terracotta floor with laughter.

"Oh my God, you're such a scaredy-cat Zack!" Hayley says, pointing at me. "You should've seen the look on your face! My sides, they're hurting!"

"Yeah, ha-ha, very funny." I stand up and serve the pizza. "Let's just eat before you give me a heart attack."

Four minutes later, in the middle of the meal:

"Can you believe this meal?" Hayley says, holding up her pizza slice. "This cheese is too loose and slippery. And I can't even grip this thing without it slipping off."