anathema ; phan

one

-one year later-

i woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring and i sighed. another day of this hell people called life.

i sat up in bed and started remembering my dream. the memories were somehow hazy but i tried to run over all the events in my head and they started getting clearer and clearer until i remembered every detail.

i was in some kind of meadow. dozens of  flowers of different hues were scattered around the place. at the very end of the meadow there was a lake, the sunshine glittering over it's surface. it was beautiful.

i moved to sit on a rock beside the lake. i was waiting for phil, he usually shows up after like ten minutes. he'd be here soon.

phil has been coming to my dreams for a year now. i saw him every single day. he always made me very happy. when i hung out with him, all my problems seemed to fade away and my life became much simpler and easier than it actually is. he made me forget about all of the issues that were troubling me in life. he made my life worth living for. i always waited the whole day and went through the torture of school and everything with glimmering of hope that i'm going to see him at night.

finally, i saw him coming from somewhere beside the lake. his mop of black hair was shining beautifully in the sunlight. his mesmerizing eyes were glittering and almost reflecting different shades of colours. once again i was struck with how gorgeous he is.

he started walking closer and closer until he sat next to me in the sea of flowers. he looked into my eyes, and my breathing hitched in my throat. his shimmering blue eyes were staring into my dull brown ones as he spoke.

"hey daniel, how are you today?"

"i-i'm v-very good th-thank you", i stuttered at the close proximity of our faces. i felt hot air coming out of his mouth ghosting on my lips.

"are you still good like that?", he asked as he caressed my cheek with his soft hands. i felt my cheeks tingle and my face was now becoming a flushed red mess.

"y-yeah"

"even now?", his lips were now brushing against mine and i felt the air get knocked away from my lungs and a weird sensation in my stomach, sparks of electricity were running all over my body and i was blushing like hell.

"yes", i gasped.

suddenly his lips crashed against mine and i froze. his lips were trying desperately to move with mine and i realised what was happening before kissing him in return, lips over lips moving together in sync. tingling sparks of electricity were flying everywhere around us and our two bodies were colliding creating a hot mess. it was amazing, each touch created butterflies in my stomach and made me tug at his heavenly hair harder. he moved me down to the ground and he was on top of me now, lips still glued together and legs tangled with each other. he was starting to unbutton my shirt when it hit me.

i was kissing phil.

i was kissing a boy i only see in my dreams.

i was a kissing a person that didn't even exist.

and at this moment i realised why phil always made me so happy. why i loved talking to him and hanging out with him so much.

i was in love with phil, a boy from my dreams.

i hurriedly got up from the ground and phil gave me a confused look. his hair was sticking up in all directions and his lips were slightly plump and swollen.

"dan? what's wrong?", he asked, worry lacing his voice and a bit of confusion.

"no no no no", i muttered to myself but he obviously heard as he got up too and started to get my hands in his. i pushed him away.

"i can't fall in love with you phil", i said as i finally looked up from the ground and into his eyes. i saw hurt flash across them but it disappeared in a second as he turned away from me and started walking in the opposite direction.

i was too shocked at what just happened that my legs were frozen in place. he continued walking and walking until he disappeared from my view.

i fell to the ground once again, this time breaking into sobs. 

i can't fall in love with him. he wasn't even a person. he was just a boy i see in my dreams, he didn't exist in real life. tears were rolling down my cheeks and onto the ground as i thought of what might happen if i actually was in love with phil.

would i be able to forget about him if he one day stopped coming to my dreams? would i be able to fall in love with someone else? i doubt i'd ever find someone as perfect as phil, no one as flawless can even exist in life.

why is he ruining my life?

what did i ever do to deserve this? to deserve loving a man from my dreams and not being able to live without him?
suddenly i felt the world around me shake and i lifted my head up from the ground. everything was fading away, the flowers and the grass on the floor i was occupying were flying away in the air and up into the sky. the lake was fading from my vision. everything was ceasing to exist around me and i just stood there, too wrapped up in my thoughts.

i was in love with phil.

                                                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: guess who's back

back again