Remembering

Chapter 17

"Never mind," she said, "I just – never mind."

"Gwen," Merlin said, "What is it? What were you going to say?"

"Do you really not remember anything?" she asked, eyes twitching down from his face to the floor and back again.

Merlin almost told her about the dream he'd just had, but didn't. Instead, he shrugged with one shoulder and said, "No not a thing."

She nodded slightly. "Okay," she said, and choked back a small sob.

"Gwen?"

"It's just," she paused, "When Arthur and the knights left, and they didn't come back for such a long time...I didn't think that I would see you again."

Merlin didn't have an answer to that. The last time he remembered seeing Gwen was the day before everything turned on its head. So he settled for just patting her hand again and saying, "How long were they gone for?"

Gwen's eyes widened, and she got a distinct air of twitchiness about her. "Oh," she said, "I'm, um...Gaius said not to make you talk about –"

"No one's making me," said Merlin, "I need to know. Gwen, Please."

"Okay," she said in a small voice, "Um. You'd been gone for just short of around a month."

She paused, watching him closely. Merlin, though he could feel his heart begin to pound a bit harder, nodded at her to continue.

"And Arthur took the knights out with him to go and pay the ransom."

"What ransom?" Merlin cut in.

"Some outlaws," she said, "They delivered a ransom demand with your neckerchief and –"

The man reached forward, yanking the red fabric off from around Merlin's neck. "Tell me, boy," he hissed, his breath smelling like rot and decay, "Tell me something about this thing of yours that'll make sure your prince knows you're alive."

Merlin gasped, jerking slightly as the memory hit him like a slap in the face. Gwen watched him with wide eyes, half of the way reaching out towards him, stopping herself. "Merlin?"

"Oh," he said softly. He felt light headed. But, he forced himself to give a small smile at Gwen, and said, "Um, j-just keep going."

"I don't think I should," she said, "You should probably go back to sleep for a bit."

"No," Merlin said, and it came out more forceful than he'd meant it to.

Gwen, all signs of uncertainty evaporating, cleanly stepped into the role of mother hen. She pulled the other pillow out from beneath Merlin's head. She laid him down flat, and said, "Sleep."

And Merlin, though it annoyed him to no end, was unable to disobey her command, and fell asleep.

This time, he wouldn't remember any of his dreams.

When he woke again, Gwen was gone, and Gaius had taken her place. Merlin wondered if he had some sort of alarm system set up, for the warlock barely had time to think, 'Oh, I've woken up' and the physician was leaning over him. "Merlin," he said, "How're you feeling now?"

Merlin considered. Anyone else he would have just said 'fine' but this was Gaius, and Gaius would know he was lying. "My back hurts, a bit" Merlin said, "And my arm. And my...let's just go with everywhere and everything"

Gaius chuckled slightly. Then, he grew serious. "Guinevere seemed more worried about you than usual. She said you something happened while she was here."

Merlin swallowed thickly. "Um," he said, "She was telling me some of what happened. But I made her, so don't be angry."

Gaius just waited, one eyebrow raised.

"I remembered some things," Merlin said, hating how small his voice sounded. "At least, I think I did. At least one thing."

"What was it?" Gaius asked.

So Merlin told him about the dream with the forest and the running. And he told him about the man with rancid breath who'd taken his neckerchief. When he finished, Merlin stared at his hands and struggled not to break down and sob.

"Merlin," said Gaius, noticing. "This is a good thing. You've remembered something. It's good."

Merlin just nodded, because Gaius was right. He had remembered something. Even though that something was less than a minute, and a feeling off of a half forgotten dream. He supposed he should be happy. He supposed he should be relieved. Instead, it just made him want to pull the blanket up and over his head and cry until he fell asleep. Before, he had, in the back of his mind, so deeply down that he hadn't even realized it, been concocting some sort of idea that it was everyone else who had been tricked. He'd managed to start coming up with the notion that, maybe, it hadn't actually been two months. That it was everyone else who was wrong and mistaken.

But, here was the proof, staring him right in the face. He had remembered something – it was real. Damn it, now it was real.
Hope you like this chapter as I said before I will try and update more often.