[WesleyStromberg] Our Flower

Eleven.

“I know that's what people say - you'll get over it. I'd say it, too. But I know it's not true. Oh, you’ll be happy again, never fear. But you won't forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him.” Betty Smith.

When I was little, I loved Christmas. Hell, I loved Christmas last year when I was a freshman in college. Now, I hate Christmas.

I don’t want any gifts. There isn't anything that I want. The one thing that I need is never going to need or want me back, so there’s no point in wishing for it.

Ashley knows. She knows that I was with Wesley and she knows the basics of our relationship and how we broke up. I don’t even really think we had an official break up, and maybe that’s why it hurts so badly. I never got the closure that I guess I needed. But, really, I think that us getting into a screaming match or having him flat out tell me he doesn’t care anymore would just hurt more.

It’s been a year and a half since I've been in college and I haven’t been on a single date. It’s not because I've been saying no. There hasn’t been a single guy who has asked. I've fallen into the friend category and, really, I don’t have enough energy to try to get out of the friendzone and try to be more.

“So, he’s coming over for Christmas and your mother doesn’t see the problem with that?” She says, the shock laced in her words. I felt the same way. This is why we’re friends. She gets me and she knows exactly how to say. And when someone messes with me, she feels as if he’s messing with her. She’s the best friend I've ever had, but she isn't as good as Wes was when we were simply best friends. I would never say that aloud, though. He doesn’t deserve it.

Sighing, I lean back, letting my head fall on my pillow. “Yeah, he’s coming and she doesn’t care how it’s going to affect me. I mean, I get that I should be over him. It’s, like, what, almost two years now, and all that crap about young love not being real, but I just can’t get over him. What if he brings some girl here?” I sit up quickly, ignoring the splitting pain in my head as my heart speeds up. “Ashley, I didn’t think of that before. I can’t deal with him bringing another girl.”

“Relax, Dakotah, breathe. I doubt he would be that much of a jerk. And if he does, then just run down the streets screaming that you need a fake boyfriend or something. You’re hot and I'm sure a guy would love to pretend to be with you.” I don’t know why she’s always so positive and thinks that the solutions to problems are so simple.

First, it’s Christmas Eve and there will be no guy who is free tonight. Second, I would never run down my block screaming. Third, I would never be in a fake relationship no matter how desperate I got. Fourth, I don’t want a fake relationship.

Rolling my eyes, I run my fingers through my hair, glancing at the clock. I still have two hours until he gets here to prepare for the worst. Because, really, nothing better than the worst ever happens to me.

“I can’t believe she’s doing this to me. She’s choosing her friendship over her daughter.” It sounds so dramatic, because we didn’t celebrate Christmas with them last year. That wasn’t by my mother’s choice, though. The boys weren’t in California so their families flew out to see them and spend the holiday wherever they were. “Let’s be serious. I'm twenty years old in less than a month and I'm hiding out in my childhood home because I don’t want to see my ex-boyfriend who ditched me for fame. Next time I'm just getting myself a cat and an apartment near school and not coming home.”

She laughs. I wasn’t kidding. “Seriously, Dakotah, we’ll get an apartment next year and we’ll both stay there for winter break, I promise. But, seriously, you’re not pathetic. At least they didn’t turn your room into something weird. And your mom loves you. I agree with you though. She shouldn’t have invited them over, especially since you and Wes haven’t talked since you broke up.”

I didn’t tell her that he tried to call. There’s nothing he could have said. Everything that had to be said was said. I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t calling to say he wanted to get back together. At that point, he had gotten what he wanted out of life, and he was calling to make sure I didn’t sell our story and the way he tossed me to the side to the gossip magazines.

Why would I put myself in the limelight? I didn’t want that. He did. And he got it. So I wasn’t going to get in his way anymore.

“I just wanted to come home and relax. I took eighteen credits last semester. So, instead of coming home and relaxing, I come home to stress some more.” I didn’t need to take that many credits, but it was something that I wanted to do. I'm interested in too many courses that I had to take six classes in order to get all the classes that I want to take in before my four years are up. “Sometimes I just wish Wes and I never got together, you know? I just wish we remained friends and none of the love feelings and crap got involved.”

The door creaks open, and three faces look at me with shock. They’ve never learned how to knock, after this long.

“Ashley, I have to call you back.”