TomTord -=+I Won't Let You Go+=-

Fake You Out

((A/N: "Go" won.

And I might write an epilogue after this, but it depends on how many people say they will steal my dog and how many death threats I get.))

  I want to drive away
In the night, headlights call my name  

"Thomas! You asshole, how could you be so stupid?" I felt like sobbing. Here I was, in this stupid hospital with my boyfriend who just got hit by a fucking car. What a great night I was having. 

  I, I'll never be, be what you see inside

I couldn't stop the stupid tears in my eyes. It hurt, all too much. Even if he was safer here. At least he'd actually made it to the hospital. The question was if he was actually going to wake up.

  You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified

"Tom, you're a fucking idiot sometimes," I stated with foul language. Anything other than my swearing would feel too soft. I wanted to scold him for being so stupid as to try and walk across a street while drunk, but I also wanted to hold him dearly and give him lots of affection. 

  You say that you are close, is close the closest star?  

"He'll be okay, right?" I ask a nurse that has stopped by. She looks at me as if she hadn't been expecting for me to speak. She blinks and then replies, "Hopefully, the car was going ten miles over the speed limit, I must inform." I nodded, holding Tom's limp hand.

  You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far  

I knew I had to leave at some point, or else someone would tell me to go home. The hospital closed for visitors in an hour and a half. I was extremely tired. 

  And I'll fall
And I'll break
And I'll fake
All I wanna  

I started to pull my hand away from Tom's. He flinched, which caught me off guard. I replaced my hand back onto his. He didn't want me to leave, not soon apparently. I decided I could stay a bit longer. 

  I'm so afraid
Of what you have to say  

"I won't let you go."

  'Cause I am quiet now 

And silence gives you space  

--

I went home at two in the morning. Before I was forced to leave. It hurt to leave Tom by himself, but I was silently hoping he'd be alright.

"Tord? You look like you're almost dead," Edd said when I got home. Matt and Edd both went home an hour after they went to the hospital. I came as soon as Edd called me and shared the news.

I shrugged, "Yeah, well, I just need some sleep."

No more questions and I walked off to my room. Slumping down on the bed. I reached to turn on my lap, revealing that there was a piece of paper on one of the pillows. "Tord" was written on it, and it had to be the neatest goddamn handwriting I'd ever seen.

I opened the paper, 'Hey commie,' read the first line. I smiled, this was Tom's writing.

'I just wanted to say that you've changed. In a good way. I think... I used to think you were nothing but a stupid shitty communist asshole. But I guess now that I've learned another side of you. That sounds way too cheesy, doesn't it? You may still be a NICER stupid shitty communist asshole, but you're MY nicer stupid shitty communist asshole. Fuck you for making me feel better about myself, why do you have that personality of "I need to help everyone else before myself"? It's almost sickening. But thank you, for most of the stuff you've taught me. It's weird, I know, you're probably reading this and thinking "what the hell?", but I think of you sometimes too. But I swear I can tell Edd we're actually in a relationship, I feel like Matt and Edd deserve to know, even though I'll probably be embarrassed. I do love you, Tord. Just know that...

...I won't let you go.

-Tom'

I felt my hands shaking. Why did he write this? When did he write this?

  I'll never be, be what you see inside  

"You bastard, you're in the fucking hospital. Like you can predict the future, anyways," I swear quietly, tears in my eyes.

I suddenly hate myself. It took me years to realize something about Tom. It is possible to forgive somebody.

  You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified  

Even when they break you.

  You say that you are close, is close the closest star?  

I lay down in bed. The note crumpled in my hand. I want to hold onto it for the rest of eternity.

  You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far  

--

I feel somewhat happier in the morning, maybe even a little cheerful.

I get to see Tom today, and I'm really hoping he's finally woken up. I want to snuggle him and kiss him, I want to have him close to me.

I put on my red hoodie and black pants. 

On my way out to the living room, I stop by Tom's room, being the considerate little bastard I am, I get a blue hoodie. He'd probably want a change of clothes.

I'm feeling giddy as I step out into the living room. 

Edd's frown stops me, he looks like he's been crying. Matt is comforting him, holding him as Edd seems to stare into nothing like he's zoned out. He has a phone in his hands that is completely off.

  And I'll fall down  

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask Edd, he looks up at me, "Aren't we going to go see Tom?"

  And I'll break down  

"T-Tord... We got a call from the hospital early this morning and..."

  And I'll fake you out  

"He's gone."