Come To Me | Jerrie

Chapter 24

Tears are streaming, leaving rivers of black mascara on my cheeks. Jade's strong arms encase me, holding me tight as I crumble. I breathe in her scent, which usually calms me, but right now it does nothing to help my state. My eyes close and the numbness takes hold. I'm floating, completely weightless—I've finally lost it. I think we're moving but can't be sure. I'm enjoying the peace and serenity my mind has given me, the reprieve from all the hell that broke loose a few moments ago. Images of Zayn and Jade brawling blur before my eyelids, and I fight for the numbness again.

When I open my eyes, I'm shocked to see we're in my apartment. I don't remember walking, but then again I'm almost positive I've snapped. Jade holds me in her arms and tries to speak to me, but I don't hear her. I barely register her touch. Her warmth is absent.

Maybe, like everything else, she's gone cold, the tenderness she once felt for me destroyed by the display on the street. She's been distant all night. Maybe Zayn just sealed the deal. The thought sends a wave of panic through my body, but I'm too defeated to fight it. She'll take the last remaining part of my heart and shatter it. I knew it would happen. She'll do what everyone in my life does—leave.

Her arms wrap tighter around me, but I don't want her arms. I don't want anyone. I'm better off alone, making a clean break now before I fall further. I need to protect what's left of myself. She's already claimed parts of me that I'll never get back. I wish I could get the numbness back. I want to stop feeling so much all the time. It hurts—everything hurts.

Her grip tightens, but I need to get away. I step back, pushing against her chest. Her arms reach out as if I'm falling and she needs to catch me. But I'm done falling.

I place my hands in front of me to stop her. Gone is the uncertainty I had hours ago. All my resolve is back with a vengeance. Stifling the tears, I take a deep breath, ready to salvage what's left of myself. I look over to see her unsure face and posture. Ensuring my voice is clear, I answer the questions in her eyes. "You should go."

"What?" She steps back with a shocked expression.

"Leave, please," I croak out and point to the door.

She looks at me cautiously, like I'm a wounded animal. Tilting her head, brow furrowed, she responds, "Why would I leave? I'm not going anywhere. I told you I was staying." She stands defiantly, ready to fight me on this.

"I don't want you to stay here. I need to be alone," I say with as much steel in my voice as I can gather. There's a small part of me that knows pushing her away could be a mistake, but at this point I can't trust myself. She's already taken so much—I'm already in too deep. The last time we made love, she owned me. I knew then I'd never be the same. She's going to destroy me if I don't put an end to this now.

Jade takes a step closer, shaking her head at my request. "I'm not leaving you."

There's no way she's going to walk away on her own—it's not who she is. This is the woman who'd stand in front of a bullet and bear the pain so someone else wouldn't have to. But I don't need a hero. "I'm not asking you, Jade. I'm telling you to leave. I want to be alone. I can't deal with anything else right now."

She strides toward me with her lips pursed. "Don't push me away. Don't make me the bad guy here." She reaches for me, but I take a step back.

I throw my hands up. "Really? Push you away? You pushed me away back there before the fight. I didn't do that—you did. I needed you! Do you have any idea what this was like for me today? Huh?" I step forward and push against her chest, but she doesn't budge. Instead she stands there and lets me unleash my fury. "Did you think about how this would be for me when you beat the shit out of him? Did you hear me screaming and begging you to stop? My God! Do you get it now? I was engaged to him. He was supposed to love me and cherish me! But instead he pushed me away, cheated on me. He left me for someone else because she was better than me!" I slap my hand against her chest, broken and hurt, but she doesn't move. She takes it. "I need to be more than that, Jade. I need to be someone's everything. I deserve that! I'm tired ... I'm tired of being hurt. I want to be enough already!" I take a few steps back, needing some space.