My Online Diary

Children, Stress and Pressure

23rd March 2014

hey guys well its been a rough few days. rough but also good sometimes. so Wednesday I was up at aspire (school day care for teen mums) and I was looking after the kids for the day. I loved it there and honestly I like it better there than an actual day care centre. the kids were so cute and nice, and no little rascals. after school I had to pick up my brother because he had a Japanese day at my high school. so shaedyn met my brother for the first time. they hit it off really well and I'm happy they did I really want my brother to have a good role model and I'm happy that shaedyn is that guy.

ok so yesterday and today Courtney and hayden have been trying to pressure me into making out with shaedyn. he is ready and wants to do it but for some reason I am way to nervous to. I don't know why but now I feel like shaedyn is slowly trying to pressure me into doing it more and more each time. I feel like pushing him away but I am trying not to. I just..... I don't know why I am so scared to even kiss him, its just natural with me around him to be scared and nervous. its a habit and its really hard to get over it. I think its the fact that I'm scared the more I get close to shaedyn the more I have a chance of getting hurt. I don't want to get hurt again the way he hurt me before and honestly I'm not holding a grudge I just have a fear of getting hurt, even more than the average girl is scared.

so now I don't know what to do or say to him, I'm to scared to be honest, also I am a bit scared to because well you know I'm actually really bad at making out. And I haven't exactly gotten much help on it before, I heard by one guy that I'm like a vacuum cleaner like seriously? you were the first guy I ever made out with so what did you expect?! I was new to all that stuff and I still kinda am. I don't have much practice in that area. I still feel like shaedyn needs to prove to me that I can trust him, I don't think he notices the fact that I'm scared as hell that he will hurt me. also a friend came up to me this week telling me that he is scary when he is angry like dude I've seen him angry and he isn't. she seems to think he might bash me or something, well that's what most people from his background do but hes different. he has respect for women and he adores his mum. what the hell should I do with shaedyn? should I tell him how I feel? help me out here guys!

ok well this afternoon by sister bashed the side of my brothers head into the corner of the table so now he has a hole in his ear also my sister is suspended again. yay! (note sarcasm). I am actually getting really sick of my sister being mean and my mum isn't doing anything about it.

well that's my rant for now, tell me what you guys think and ill see you guys later byee love you all xx