I hate fakers

I hate fakers (Chapter 28)

Chapter 28 - I hate fakers

Over the next three months the further Jayden and me drift apart the closer I get to Conrad.

I finally got my kiss from Conrad, after our second official date, but it wasnt what I expected. I guess I watch too many chick flicks with Kylie, to realise that the 'magic' is a figment of Hollywood's imagination. Back to reality, that doesnt happen. Sure, Conrad is a great kisser, but there was something missing. But we havent gone any further, and he wont push me either.

Its not fair to Conrad, but I just cant get too close. If we seem to be getting closer, I pull back a little.

If my mom and Jayden can hurt me so deeply, being family and a close friend how much more so could Conrad, who I have only known for 3 months. I just cant put myself through that much pain again. Never again!

Unfortunately, Jayden and Hayley have gotten closer. There is something that still bugs me about her, but I cant put my finger on it.

Over the past three months, I have tried my best to heal the painful wounds Jayden inflicted on me, but they refuse to heal.

I guess it doesn't help that I sneak into Jaydens old bedroom every night to sleep, and I wear his clothes as pyjamas. I also have a new song that I play every morning, but I don't do my crazy funky dance to it. I just sit on Jayden's bed hugging myself, trying to hold myself together as Colbie Caillaits song 'I never told you' plays softly in the background.

I keep this all to myself though, because my father would probably send me to a shrink and Jayden will definitely move back in with us, out of pity for me - which isnt fair on him.

The time that has past has also made me realise something.

I love Jayden. Not as a brother or as a close friend. But, I am in love with Jayden.

I miss his smile, his embrace, his touch, his scent and his kisses. I miss everything about him and I know I cant get it back. He is with Hayley and their relationship is still as strong as ever. Hayley hates me, and the feeling is mutual - but I only have myself to blame. I let Jayden slip through my fingers, and now I have to live with that bad choice.

But the most important reason is Jayden doesn't love me - not the way I love him anyway. If he did, he would never have left me.

I realise Im not being fair to Conrad either because he has been a picture perfect boyfriend. But, lately I have noticed that Conrad has been a little too perfect. Ive been trying to work out a way to get out of this relationship, but I don't know how. Conrad has been nice, understanding and caring and its not fair on him that I wish he were someone else.

The saying 'You don't know what you have, until its gone' is definitely true. When I had Jayden in my life, I took that fact for granted. Now that we have grown apart, I cant help but feel regret and sadness.

Refusing to acknowledge, 'what could have been', I fully immersed myself in the auction planning. Putting the auction first in my life, has restricted thoughts about Jayden to the hours at home when I am alone in his room.

Tonight is auction night, and I admire my appearance in the mirror while Kylie chatters away about Link. Im glad to say that they are now officially a couple, and they are so cute together. Kylie walks into the bathroom to join me, and stops mid-sentence when she sees me. I look back at the mirror thinking something is out of place, but my outfit looks fine.

"Smoking hot" Kylie appraises as she comes to stand next to me.

I take in my look seeing that I still look like the same Alayna. My new black silk floor length dress with gold embroidery across the strapless bodice, flows nicely down my tall, curvy figure. I matched the dress with a simple gold chain necklace paired with a gold chain bracelet I found in my jewellery box. My outfit looked rocking, yet simple and Kylie managed to pull my hair to the side in an elegant twist and added simple make up - just foundation and some lip gloss.