Darling Won't You Stay?~ Jonnor Mcball Fanfic

Because of You

But his got  away from mines,  turning around and slowly walking to his bed, sitting down on it.

I took that as a chance to go ahead, and sit next to the sadden, emotionless, fragile bassist on his bed, waiting for him to atleast say something.

He looked at something that was not me, and kept his gaze on it as if he would turn into stone if he had his eyes on me.

I waited there in that position, until he finally spoke, it was quiet but I still was able to hear it.

"I didn't want you to go." he let out of nowhere, making me confused on what he's actually talking about, that's when he turned to look at me, I doing the same, having our faces seeing eachother once again.

He probably saw my questioning look I had on because he started to continue on what he was saying. 

" I didn't want-t you-u to take the job-b in California because I was going to miss you-u. Your my bestfriend, and I didn't want-t to have the thought-t that you-u were going to-o leave, and-d I wouldn't see you-u. Plus-s I was thinking about-t the band-d, all the hard work-k we've done and your just-t thinking about leaving, starting a new life. But then I realized that it's your life, your decision. The boys and I want you to be happy, but you can't if one of us is stopping you. Your happiness is most important and that is what should only matter-r. Don't think you have to stay in the band for me or anyone else. So, take the job. I know you will go far, like you did in here." the young member, still sounded like his voice was a broken record but he had put on a smile on his face. 

You see there's your answer. He wants you to go. So just go, leave. He doesn't like you back. 

"I actually wanted to know your opinion on this whole decision, because your my bestfriend and your opinion matters to me. But also I don't want to leave because of you. And the other boys o of course too." I was angry and sad to think that he wants me to leave, I don't want to leave him though. 

What is the point in staying though if he does not feel the same about you?

I smiled, even if I wanted to get out of here now and scream at  the top of my lungs.

"That's lovely-y of-f you-u. But don't let me-e affect what you want to do-o, I don't want you to stay because of me. You're my bestfriend-d, and you will always be that-t  no matter if how many miles your away-y.  Okay-y?" the short twenty-one year old, had a tiny look of happiness on him, meaning a smile, but it was still small, and I heard his message loud and clear. 

He wants you to go, he will not miss you. 

He will never be with you now, because now you know he doesn't like you the way you like him. 

"Thanks Condor, you're the best. You have given me alot to think about." I was struggling to put a grin on my face, but I did either way even if it was a faux one, and that I wanted to show my sadness and anger. 

"Don't-t mention-n it-t, and you're the best-t one here-e." he sounded like a mouse, like he lost his voice but you could see that genuine smile that he had on, making it harder to believe that he wants me to leave. 

Also he still had sugarplums on for cheeks, but I  still couldn't tell if that was from the tears he shed or if he actually had that rosy color due to the quiet boy blushing. 

Clearing my throat awkwardly because I felt like my voice was going to quiver, I was speaking again because I didn't want to sound upset, even if I am. 

" I do really want to go though, I felt something while pictures were being taken of me. Being behind the camera, made me feel something. Like how we feel when we perform onstage. But...you...what about you?" I was not kidding when I said I wanted to go, I had hopes he would tell me to stay then, but he didn't. 

"James, I'll be fine-e. Do what you gotta do. Go-o."stumbling on a few words still, sounding quiet like his voice is about to break, he has that smiley look on that drives me crazy, even if it is small, but I don't really pay attention to that.  

What I am really paying attention to is he wants me to leave.

He doesn't want you, deal with it. 

"Okay, thanks Condora. I have much to think about now." I stayed with my "happy" face, even if it hurts on the inside.

"No-o problem-m." after that, a silence was made due to us being both quiet, it may be silent but all I could hear are my silent screams. 

I cleared my tone is my throat one more time because it wants to quiver again and be broken, but I did it again to take away the unbearable quietness that I couldn't take anymore. 

I just don't want to be here. 

" I haven't had breakfast yet, so I starving. I'll be in the kitchen making myself an omelette. Come with, I'll make you one because I know you hadn't had breakfast yet either."  Attempting to brighten up the mood, which wasn't working for me because I felt like I could punch a wall any second, I knew I couldn't but I had to do it, even if it hurt, I still offered, struggling to keep this fake act of happiness and just wanting to replace it with sadness and anger. 

Standing up from where the short Scottish lad rests his head, I got up expecting him to do the same but he was just sitting there with a blank expression on his face like he forgot how to stand up on his own to feet. 

"You coming?" I didn't know why he was not getting up, I questioned with curiously laced in my voice refering to the exit of his room even if I was acting because I too, want to be alone now.

"I'll be there in a minute. I just need a second, but you go down there-e . Meet you in a sec-c." Having a half grin planted on, I had a look that I wouldn't even considered "smiley" or happy.

Him too had one, but atleast it's not a foe one.

Trying all my ability to keep my running thoughts and emotions of confusion, sadness, and anger from exploding, the only option I could do is only nod, saying a few words.

"I'll be waiting then-n." there went my shakiness again, with my effort that was slipping away of my lips being curved up.

Grabbing the handle of the door,  I was out of the room that seemed so snug, that it was making me want to choke.

Out of view, I officially let gloominess take me over into a never ending cloud of thoughts of the person who put them there, while leaning against the closed door.

My forced look is gone down, and now I'm letting my choice float in my brain.

Stay or go?

I want to stay, but I don't now.

And it's all because of him.