These Words Scream

Deafening silent goodbye

The deafening silent goodbye

He lay there, small, fading away
Walking intermittently
To communicate the end of what was

Mute, paralyzed with hot tears, I simply squeezed his hand
As those familiar eyes intently gazing at me spoke fast-forward volumes
Of his immeasurable losses
Loneliness, regret
Sorrow, hunger, helplessness
Illness, frustration, estrangement
And pain-
Pain so profound, it burned my eyes to see it's reflected memory

Though already beyond the hideous battle
He'd let it have its way
He didn't want to cease to be
He'd suffered the disdain of polite society, being an affront to yuppie values and
A reminder of all we don't want anyone to be
A person who mattered not

I saw it all in his wordless message
The 'unknown from those loved'
The complex, multi-layered 'had to have been there', the 'walk a few thousand miles in my shoes', the 'please help me to be remembered for who I am' looks

My brother, my flesh
My loyal, scarred, faulted, fragile friend
Who disappointed me
And whom I disappointed
You mattered, you stayed with me
And all your sorrows are mine
For it's not right to erase a part of a whole
You are me us
The left behind
Those who need to change the future